The Joke Without a Punchline

Finally, we have completed the oath ceremony for Hope. She was being denied her certificate of citizenship because, although she became a US citizen upon getting her Chinese passport stamped at the airport customs back in February, AND she took an oath back in Guangzhou at the American Embassy, AND she has received her American passport (which is evidence of her citizenship, not proof) she needed to jump through yet another hoop. So, after months of waiting, dozens of phone calls, a 7 hour round trip, 20 minutes of waiting before the appointment, 20 minutes of waiting for the late start at Detroit US CIS, and repeating a ridiculous oath, Hope is finally official!

Hope was concerned that she didn’t understand almost all of the oath she was supposed to repeat. Take a moment and read what she promised today:

“OATH OF ALLEGIANCE”

I HEREBY DECLARE, ON OATH, THAT I ABSOLUTELY AND ENTIRELY RENOUNCE AND ABJURE ALL ALLEGIANCE AND FIDELITY TO ANY FOREIGN PRINCE, POTENTATE, STATE OR SOVEREIGNTY, OF WHOM OR WHICH I HAVE HERETOFORE BEEN A SUBJECT OR CITIZEN; THAT I WILL SUPPORT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION AND LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC; THAT I WILL BEAR TRUE FAITH AND ALLEGIANCE TO THE SAME; THAT I WILL BEAR ARMS ON BEHALF OF THE UNITED STATES WHEN REQUIRED BY THE LAW: THAT I WILL PERFORM NONCOMBATANT SERVICE IN THE ARMED FORCES OF THE UNITED STATES WHEN REQUIRED BY LAW; THAT I WILL PERFORM WORK OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE UNDER CIVILIAN DIRECTION WHEN REQUIRED BY THE LAW; AND THAT I TAKE THIS OBLIGATION FREELY WITHOUT ANY MENTAL RESERVATION OR PURPOSE OF EVASION; SO HELP ME GOD.

(WHAT???!?!?!!!) Can you believe that the United States congress required me to drive 7 hours and put my 14 year old child through THAT??? For what earthly purpose??? Ahh, tax dollars at work. What a farce!

Speaking of tax dollars well spent, check out what a printed sign said inside the vending machine there:

"Please do not use Canadian money in vendoring machine.Canadian money can render vendoring machine inoperable. Use U.S.A. money currency only with exception of 1/2 a dollars."

Welcome to America, eh?

Now that THAT is behind us, I can truly say:

All my best,

Amy

Survivor Guilt

Hope talked to her China family this morning. She didn’t really expound about much until dinner when she shared that her older sister (who was brought into the home to replace her) told her that all of her friends in China are angry with her because she doesn’t talk to them. She also told Hope that her younger sister was doing so much and that Hope was missing it all. Finally she asked Hope “Why you?” She said that she turned 14 and no one wanted her and no one adopted her at the last minute (like what happened to Hope) so why Hope?

It seemed that those questions were reverberating in Hope’s mind all day. At dinner she asked us over and over “Why me?” and asked us to retell the path we took to her. She asked us how we could love her before we even met her and what if she was naughty? What then?  She asked why we couldn’t adopt her sisters and her friends too.

All of our answers felt vague in concept, kind of like asking her to hold onto a cloud. We kept on telling her that God brought her to us, first to our eyes, then to our hearts, and finally to our family. We told her that we could love her before we met her because that is what parents to for all their children. We explained that we were able to love her because God first loved us; that even when she didn’t know us or was rejecting us and thinking we were the enemy our hearts were overflowing with love for her and we pursued her until she decided to turn two us, just like God loved us before we knew him and even when we were his enemy. We sadly told her that we were not able to adopt all of her foster siblings and friends, just because it was not possible.

Which got me thinking…

What if we did adopt again?

(David doesn’t like this line of thinking.)

So I have petitioned God to change our hearts to be like HIS, to turn around our mindsets and to have the desires HE wants us to have.

All the kids know my heart. David knows my heart. Most importantly, God knows my heart. And I will learn to be satisfied with what HE has planned for me. For us.

It seems that I too am experiencing survivor guilt. I have been blessed with so much. There is SO MUCH need out there! How can I say that I have done enough? When will we have the family God planned for us?  Six kids? Seven? Ten?

Although I don’t know the answers, I do know that before Hope went to bed she hugged me and told me that she was so glad that I was her mom. I am too.

And that is enough thinking for one night.

All my best, Amy