We have been so blessed with our children! There are so many facets to them—some mesh well with others, others are like flint and sparks fly when they hit. Some children energize and others drain.
The past month has been filled with successes and dark spots. Avery has made huge strides in assimilating as a part of our family, but still is conflicted with giving up some aspects of his past. We are not asking him to change who he is or his heritage as an African-American youth. It is more like exchanging the mud pies he is so used to eating for the good nutrition we offer here. Every once in a while he really craves mud and doesn’t like it when I won’t serve it to him. That is usually when it gets ugly. Other times he is just worried that we might forget him, so he is ALWAYS talking and seeking attention. That, plus being hyper-vigilant about keeping an eye on him with the other kids…Let me kindly say that it is zapping our last ounce of sanity!
I was griping (again) to God tonight. I have laid my burdens at his feet many times, but honestly, I was complaining. I told Him that I thought He made a mistake, that we weren’t supposed to be adopting again, that I made a mistake in hearing Him. I guess that I was looking for God to reassure me in what He was doing, but tonight I just heard…silence. Not like I was alone, but just as long as I was speaking untruth, He wasn’t going to accompany me in the journey. Just because I am squeezed-dry daily doesn’t mean that this is not what God planned for me. I was looking for the best for a boy from Detroit; God was looking at the best for ME. He never promised it would be easy, it would be for my good. I heard a quote once by CS Lewis: We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us. We are just wondering how painful the best will be.
On that note, I am glad that I am not alone.
All my best,