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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Just Not Enough

This week Hope and I were talking about her recent love for running.  This beautiful girl, as recent as last year, HATED running with a passion. Now she hits the treadmill on a regular basis for 6-12 miles, sometimes even upping the grade to 12%! Although I never pushed running on her, she has gleaned this love from me (and her goals from her coach.) We were bantering back and forth when she grabbed my arm and told me how cool it would be if I was her bio mom. I didn’t know what to say, but she had words enough for both of us. She went on and on how much she wished I would be her bio mom—I told her that although she didn’t grow in my belly she grew in my heart, and she is more like me than some of my bios!
This has been bouncing around in my head the past few days. I am deeply touched that she wants to be my bio child—but at the same time, I am saddened because I can never be the mom that she deeply desires and needs. No child should have to endure being “given up” by their mother—made worse by the fact that her past is shrouded in secrecy. I can strive to be the best mom for her, but even on my best day, I am still, not the bio.
Even if I can’t be what she desires, I am still blessed to be what she needs…today…tomorrow…and every day I am blessed with her.
All my best,


  1. Wynn said recently that she wished there were two of her - one we could have adopted when she was a baby, and one that could have stayed in China longer. . . The holes left in our beautiful girls!

  2. Such a sweet and honest post. While we are still a few years from such deep conversations, I know they will come and pray God gives me the words...if any are needed.