No More Games

We have been so blessed with our children! There are so many facets to them—some mesh well with others, others are like flint and sparks fly when they hit. Some children energize and others drain.

The past month has been filled with successes and dark spots. Avery has made huge strides in assimilating as a part of our family, but still is conflicted with giving up some aspects of his past. We are not asking him to change who he is or his heritage as an African-American youth. It is more like exchanging the mud pies he is so used to eating for the good nutrition we offer here. Every once in a while he really craves mud and doesn’t like it when I won’t serve it to him. That is usually when it gets ugly. Other times he is just worried that we might forget him, so he is ALWAYS talking and seeking attention. That, plus being hyper-vigilant about keeping an eye on him with the other kids…Let me kindly say that it is zapping our last ounce of sanity!

I was griping (again) to God tonight. I have laid my burdens at his feet many times, but honestly, I was complaining. I told Him that I thought He made a mistake, that we weren’t supposed to be adopting again, that I made a mistake in hearing Him. I guess that I was looking for God to reassure me in what He was doing, but tonight I just heard…silence. Not like I was alone, but just as long as I was speaking untruth, He wasn’t going to accompany me in the journey. Just because I am squeezed-dry daily doesn’t mean that this is not what God planned for me. I was looking for the best for a boy from Detroit; God was looking at the best for ME. He never promised it would be easy, it would be for my good. I heard a quote once by CS Lewis: We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us. We are just wondering how painful the best will be.

On that note, I am glad that I am not alone.

All my best,

Amy 艾米

Baby Steps

Life is certainly different here these days! I never realized how easy it was with six kids until we added our seventh!

Both Avery and Hope are in summer school—Avery for math, Hope for English. Hope enjoys the structure; I enjoy my son having something to do under someone else’s authority! Some days Avery is up on time, ready to go (other than needing to pull up his pants)—other days I am pulling him out of bed 5 minutes before we need to leave and putting a granola bar in his hand for breakfast. Neither one really dislikes school—it is a lot of educational play that adds to their learning.

Avery is very proud of himself—he stayed awake during church last Sunday without me making him stand through the service. He also said that he learned from the sermon, so much so that he e-mailed the pastor and told him such. He was singing a song from church on the way home—he couldn’t remember all the words, but he said he really liked it. The chorus is:

        You are stronger, you are stronger, sin is broken, you have freed me;

        It is written, Christ is risen, Jesus you are Lord of all.

Of course, the day he was singing this was also the day that he was being defiant and argumentative about EVERYTHING. The devil didn’t want to lose his foothold! But the words are working their way through his mind and into his heart.

This evening I had the opportunity to show Avery how to use a Bible. We looked up Ephesians 4:29 (a family favorite!) and talked about what it meant. At first he thought I was punishing him, but I explained that I wanted him to see that we didn’t make up our family rules just to bug him—rather, it was based on something much bigger than ourselves. I think he liked at least some aspects of it, as he leaned against me and watched TV for a while after we were done.

Hope has been reading some Christian romance novels. (I know, I know…not my first choice, but they seem to be capturing her interest and she is reading 300+ page ENGLISH books that include scripture and are biblically sound. It is a lot better than what she could be reading!) She has asked me what the verses mean that are included in the stories as they are written in KJV. I have been blessed to be able to explain what it means in Matthew 7:21-24. The door was cracked—I pray that the Holy Spirit did a better job illuminating the scripture to her heart than I did. I am glad that it was important enough for her to ask instead of just skipping it.

Hope and Amanda have settled in and seem so much more permanent now, especially since they are not the “new” ones any more. Avery has been here only 2 weeks, but it feels much longer. Yet I know that we have a long way to go. As Austin prepares to go away to school in the fall, I am desperately trying to not squander any moments with him. I pray that God gives me the same motivation for ALL my children—my blessings—my gifts from God himself.

All my best,

Amy

He’s Here!

Today’s the day!

Avery is here to stay!

Yea!

Stay tuned…

All my best,

Amy

Pictures!

Still here and…

It has been months since I have posted and so much has been happening! For a while I was afraid to post, as I didn’t know what was permissible and what was against the rules. Now, I think I may proceed!

It is true that once your eyes and heart has been opened to the blessings of adoption, you are forever changed. It’s not that I am discontent with my family; I am not lacking anything with the children that I have. The problem is that there are thousands and millions of children who ARE lacking and who want/need the basics of life…food, safety, a family. I can’t promise designer clothes, big vacations and cruises are out of the question, and even ordering anything off the dollar menu at Mc D’s on the rare occurrence that we go is forbidden! BUT, I can offer a place in our family, a place to come home to, a place to belong. I can offer my heart to be stretched to encircle another, my arms for a ready hug, and my prayers for a lifetime.

It is for these reasons as well as others that I can proudly announce that we are adopting again! This time our foreign land is Detroit, MI; our new child is a 14 year old boy. Avery has been visiting us since April 1^st (no fooling!) and will be with us full time by mid-June. Being an older boy, he knows that adoption for him means that some past behaviors, vocabulary, music and activities must be left behind. He also knows that exchanging those for what he has offered with this forever family makes it a very tempting deal.

What has been interesting has been watching Hope interact with Avery. Hope, being a very reserved girl, is forced out of her comfort zone with Avery, who is very much “in your face.” Instead of retreating more into her shell, Hope has been blossoming into a more self-confident, smiling young lady. This is just another example of how God’s hand has been in the midst of the adoption…and there are many stories to tell!

Hope has been enjoying everything so much more here. She has started reading English books (and really liking the Shadow Children series!) and rarely misses an opportunity to watch English movies, even over her Chinese movies and books! She still is in contact with her Chinese friends, but also has a lot of fun with her new friends from church and school. She has been blossoming into such a beautiful girl, inside and out.

Amanda is still Hannah’s virtual twin. They dress alike, play alike, and even talk alike! Last week I brought out last year’s summer clothes for the girls to try on, thinking it was going to take about 30-40 minutes to complete. Instead, they took 2 hours trying on the clothes and giving me a fashion show, complete with naming the outfits, coordinating hair styles and props, and walking up and down the sidewalk as their catwalk. There is rarely a dull moment, as Amanda’s imagination has developed as well as her English skills. For a little girls that could only recite “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in English when we got her January of last year, she has completed her first grade reading curriculum and spelling with excellence! Her 9^th birthday is coming up next month and the planning for her party has occupied both her and Hannah’s imaginations for weeks. She doesn’t want much, just treasure hunts, pool parties, music recitals, slumber parties, petting zoos, and bike races, all rolled into one extravaganza. I love a girl who can dream big!

Often people ask about the girls, and inevitably they ask how their transition has been. I can honestly say that we have two girls that fairytales are based upon—if I were to write a book about how well things are going, no one would buy it because no one would believe it. Things were TOUGH in the beginning, but that has all faded away. I only hope I can be a good enough momma for my girls, as well as all of my kids.

On another note, we just finished cleaning up after Austin’s open house—he just graduated from high school on Thursday. Hannah is already crying daily because he starts college in 90 days (she‘s counting) . He has finished the race of high school well—academically, socially, and spiritually. I am excited for his opportunities at MIT, but the natural sadness of missing him definitely creeps up on me when I’m not looking.

Well done, Austin! I am so proud of you!

All my best,

Amy

Alive and Kickin’

Alas, how many moments have I let fade away in the deep recesses of my mind because I didn’t take the time to write them down? I cannot do them all justice, but I can give an attempt to touch the big ones, however briefly:

v      Last spring we all volunteered for Disney’s “Give a Day, Get a Day” and we took advantage of our free tickets to the Magic Kingdom! It was only a day in the park, but it was a day at Disney—something Hope had anticipated since we were in Hong Kong last year. Even though we had great fun as a family, the next day was just as good if not better! We took a drive to Cocoa Beach to play in the surf.  It was the Hope’s, Amanda’s and Hannah’s first trip to the ocean, and each one learned that when momma says to keep your mouth closed in the water, she means it!!! Everyone took lots of time finding fantastic shells and rocks and all the kids romped in the waves for a long time. Bless his heart, Dave even decided it would be a good idea to stop at a souvenir shop for everyone to get one treasure to bring home (that wasn’t covered in salt water or sand…those were in our luggage!)

v      Our FIRST Christmas together!!! It was SO wonderful to be together! As the season approached, we would talk about all the Christmas shows on TV, watched A Christmas Story, and read some Christmas books. Hope was mystified when the storyline didn’t mirror the first Christmas of the Bible. It really highlighted how jaded I have become, how much junk I have let replace the sacred places of my heart. We all participated in family traditions: an afternoon was devoted in finding the *perfect* Christmas tree, another for decorating the tree with all the ornaments we have gathered over the years, multiple kinds of Christmas cookies, complete with cutter cookies, made and decorated by each child. We also thoroughly enjoyed the company of my sister and her family for the holiday. At first I was concerned that the extra commotion could cause undue stress to the new girls, but true to form, the value of family far outweighed the uncertainty of the unknown. We loved going places in our big white van…it looked like a clown car when 4 adults and 8 children disembarked!  I am sure that Christmas Eve and Day were overwhelming for the new girls, but we all enjoyed each other—and spent a lot of time in our pj’s, even when Grammie and Grandpa came for Christmas dinner.

v      Celebrating our FIRST YEAR—Gotcha days, first day in America, First day trying pizza, all of those firsts!

v      Celebrating Hope’s birthday—she turned the big 1-5 this year! Surprisingly, she was very disturbed by this. She even cried when people talked about it and repeated that she wanted to stay 14. I tried to tell her that I have been trying to say 32 for a decade, but it wasn’t working. We even tried to tell her she was 14 plus 1, but she didn’t buy the logic. She had her first sleepover with two friends for her birthday too. It started out well, but we decided that little sleep and an extended visit the next day doesn’t work out well for a tired teen…next time, guests will go home right after breakfast! That way Hope can still get a nap…for someone who will stay up all night studying for school or watching Chinese movies, she certainly needs sleep when being social!

v      Hope and Andrew were in a play together in January! Andrew was a lead role and Hope had no lines, but they were in it together and had a blast! We will be having the cast party here next week!

v      Mandy has been diligently studying her AWANA book and has officially finished it and is ready to start reviewing it! AMAZING for a girl that knew NO English a year ago!

v      Hannah turned 8—we officially have two eight year old virtual twins! She had friends over for a sledding party—it was low-key, but better than no party last year (due to Mom and Dad being in China!)

v      CHINATOWN in Chicago—only a day trip, but one that was so much fun for all of us! The girls kept saying “Are we in China?” Of course they knew full well that we were still here, but had fun being surrounded by people that looked like them, talked like them, by smells and writing that were familiar. It will be a trip that we will repeat soon!

v      MINNIE IS HERE!!! Our former exchange student is visiting for her CNY. It feels good to have our “family” together again! J

v      CNY—nothing close to China but we went out to a local Chinese restaurant that also had lion dancing, gave the red envelopes, and Dave set off some fireworks in the front yard (sorry, neighbors!). It was easy to see on Hope’s face that she was remembering years past, but she seemed thankful that we tried.

I have forgotten many important things, but lest another memory fade, I wanted to write while I had a moment.

I thank God for all the blessings He has shared with us in the past year alone. I pray that I will be a good steward with what (and whom) He has given!

All my best,

Amy

WOW!

Hailey swam 100 backstroke at the state meet and got a 1:01.28!!!

I am so proud of my baby girl!

Last year she qualified but was DQ-ed—this year she placed 8^th!

Her medley team also walked away with 5^th place!!!

And she got her personal BEST time ever.

I saw a quote today: The will to win is important. The will to train is imperative.

Hailey trained about 450,000 yards this season! That is about 256 miles! Here’s to a great swim, Hai!

All my best,

Amy

Strength in the Start and the Finish (and somewhere in between!)

There are many times we are called upon to be strong. Sometimes physical strength is required; other times it is emotional or mental. Often, it is a combination of all three.

Hailey has been in the water since the beginning of summer, practicing for the swim team. Her first meet’s times were the best of her season as they happened after a three week “break” between the age group and high school teams. Even though she has been pushing herself both before and after school, she hasn’t been able to break through her 1:04 “threshold” for backstroke. About a month ago she donned her Fastskin and competed at MISCA—and broke into the 1:03’s.  A week and a half ago Hailey was at conference—and got a 1:02.8!!! Then she got bronchitis…and her times tanked. In two days she will be competing at state. She is extremely nervous, as she doesn’t know how her performance will be post-sickness. An accumulation of five months of training, hundreds of MILES in the pool, and hours of extra-curricular weight lifting; all for just over a minute of performance.  Physically—she has completed her training. Mentally—it is still up in the air! We will be cheering loudly from the stands! Whether or not she gets her PR, she still is a winner in my book. Taking home the hardware will be icing on the cake, though!

Hope has attended swim meets since her first week home. She has gone from NEVER entering a body of water, even for bathing purposes, to allowing herself to stand in a pool with me by her side, to swimming solo. The transition was not smooth—I had to enter the water on numerous occasions to rescue her as she hovered just below the surface, not even knowing to reach out for assistance. This year, however, she decided that she wanted to go out for the middle school swim team! I had hoped that she would, but very much expected her to come home after the first day and say that she was done. Hope even admitted that she had wanted to tell me before the second day that she didn’t want to go back, but after she attended that practice, she was glad that she went back. Before her first meet Hope was very concerned that she wouldn’t know what to do, when to start her races, that she didn’t know how to do a flip turn, etc. For as nervous as she was, I was PROUD! She was not a contender for first place, but she was there, swimming her heart out, next to girls who had been swimming for over a decade. Only 5 months after her first experience of putting on a swim suit, Hope was a member of the swim team, clad in a team suit, swim cap and goggles!  She recalls being so scared to try and to continue trying after she saw how fast most of her team was.  However, Hailey just told me that Hope is no longer the slowest in her lane! Another miraculous accomplishment by my tenacious teen!

Austin has closed another chapter of his high school career. Last weekend he performed in and closed the high school performance of Our Town. He loves being in theatre—I guess when the theatre bug bit me decades ago it was passed on to my son! Anyway, he is not an emotional child normally, but he admitted breaking down between performances on the last day. It was difficult for him to regain composure to start the next performance; his voice was shaky and his makeup smeared. It is hard closing a chapter of something that was fun and dear to him, especially since he doesn’t see an opportunity to continue it in the future. One thing that can be said about Austin—he did act well his part, and there all the honor lies.

I hope you have an opportunity for an encore performance, Austin!

So, for my swimmers and my master thespian, allow me to say “Well Done!” I am so proud!

All my best,

Amy

A Veiled Blessing

As Solomon said long ago: “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest-“ doesn’t happen often at our house! In fact, it seems that we get busier and busier as time goes on. Not that the things we are involved in are necessarily bad, but the harried pace and lack of sleep sometimes puts us behind the eight-ball. Our eldest son, Austin, has learned this the hard way. While trying to squeeze in a little more homework before going to play rehearsals seemed like a good idea to him, when he realized the time he flew out of the house and took off in his car. Or, more accurately, he tried to.

Back up a little over a year when the tragic accident happened with Stephen Curtis Chapman’s family. The horrific death of their adopted daughter caused by their teenage son in their own driveway struck a tremendous chord of fear in my heart. I used their tragedy as a teaching moment MANY times since then, especially since I had a teenage driving son and now adoptive daughters as well. Add an element of senior-itis that has been settling into Austin’s heart and mind for months—which led to a few discussions about his driving habits and my promises of taking away his keys if he didn’t improve. Fast forward to the present: I had reminded Austin twice that it was late and that he needed to leave. He chose to stay. When he did get up to go, he also chose to ignore my repeated warning about backing out and driving too fast, especially in our driveway since we have young children at play. Austin saw the car of a friend that was parked in the middle of the driveway and knew to steer around it, but cranked the wheel and gunned it in reverse. What he failed to remember was how the front of the car arcs out farther than the tires, and when the speed was added to the equation, it resulted in the fender being bent, the front bumper being ripped out, and the front left headlight being pulled away. The garage also sustained damage, but cracked siding and splintered wood were the smaller part of the problem. David thought it would be about 1k in damage, but his friend said it would be closer to 2k. Austin’s entire summer’s wages were on the line in a rash moment.

Why do I call this a veiled blessing? It goes against everything in me to welcome a financial burden! If you know me, I use coupons, shop sales, and pinch every penny that I can. From the moment this happened I have been overflowing with praise and gratitude to God!  I believe to the bottom of my soul that God allowed a wake-up call for Austin, one that cost him his time and money but not his sister’s life. Hannah and Mandy were playing at the neighbor’s that afternoon, running back and forth between houses and across driveways. It cost him dollars, but our family is intact. Praise the LORD!  Austin seems to have sobered through this ordeal. I don’t think I will hear his tires squealing in the cul-de-sac any time soon!

As it turns out, by doing the work ourselves and buying aftermarket products, the financial won’t be as steep. It will take several hours of work and learning. It will cost him a school’s month of wages, not his entire summer’s wages. He has gained an appreciation of his parents’ warnings. He also has changed his perspective on the cost of every day things, blessings he takes for granted, because they can be lost so rapidly.

In the midst of it all, when everything was up in the air and he thought his savings were drained, Austin made a hefty financial contribution to support a local Christian radio station. When the world would advise him to hold on to whatever wealth he had left, he in faith gave what he had to God. I asked him about it and he shrugged it off, saying it was what he needed to do. I am amazed at the strength of character my son is gaining. His faith has blessed me.God has blessed me, over and over.

All my best,

Amy

Whether Think You Can or You Can’t, You’re Right

This weekend was homecoming for our schools. (Go HAWKEYES!) The bands were required to march in the parade, which was “normal” for both Andrew and Hailey, but terrifying for Hope. She refused to perform in last year’s concert because of the fear of failure; this year she was making her playing debut not only publically but also while marching.  The worry and stress that was invested into this event!  Friday came; the weather was perfect, the crowd was massive, and Hope marched alongside her classmates, playing like the rest of them.  After the parade, Hope was smiling from ear to ear, almost glowing with pride. Her first comment? “I can’t wait to play in the next concert!”

Austin also overcame an obstacle that had been a thorn in his side for his high school career: the pep assembly. It seems that the former “pep” assemblies were just a time for the school to be gathered together in a orderly manner and to be lectured about how to have “spirit”, as long as it wasn’t too loud or rowdy. As a senior, Austin was eligible to organize the pep assembly this year, and he took the bull by the horns. After a month of planning, gathering footage of the football highlights, and organizing, the pep assembly was a hit. There was music, cheering, games, and the football players actually jogged onto the main floor—they didn’t walk on in an orderly fashion! I am so proud of my son: he didn’t just complain about his grievance; he did what it took to make it better not just for him, but for his entire student body. He didn’t say it was too hard, or out of his comfort zone, or he was too busy: all of which were true. He just did what it took to be the change.

All my best,

Amy

It’s Ok…We’re Family!

We have three large dogs. When we had one, he was allowed to be an inside dog. When we had #2 come along, they were inside/outside dogs. The third one cemented their living conditions--outside dogs 24/7.

Boomer, our eldest dog, is definitely showing his age and slowing down. Having the experience of losing our cat this past December, we all are more aware about appreciating what we have while we have it. That said, Boomer was given a night inside, including a lot of petting by many hands.

He loved every minute of the attention, eyes rolling and tongue lolling. He was drooling profusely, making his legs, the couch, and Hannah’s and Mandy’s hands quite wet. Hannah wrinkled her face and said “EEEeeeewww!” but Mandy kept petting, saying, “It’s ok; we’re family.”

Well said, Mandy!

All my best,

Amy

Reaching Out

Hope loves to talk about her day upon reaching the front door after school. She tells me about her class work, her friends, her teachers, and her inevitable struggle with her locker. J  Last week her demeanor darkened when she shared about another girl, one who was not being friendly. I inquired about what was happening, and Hope said that this girl was staring at her with a not-so-nice expression. This is not the first time Hope has experienced judgment by her peers; she lived it daily in China for being an orphan. Sadly, she saw that ostracism knows no boundaries.

I tried to explain that some people feel threatened by new things and people and that people will either run away or fight whatever scares them.  Hope was amazed that anyone could be scared of her! I also talked about how people often act in ways that do not reflect the truth. I didn’t know how much Hope truly understood, but she seemed more relaxed when we finished our conversation.

Our church’s youth group has been getting ready for their big evangelistic event of the year.  The kids have been putting up posters, making U-Tube videos, posting invites on Facebook and handing out postcards to their friends.  Hope also has been inviting her friends for weeks so she always keeps a stack of the postcards with her. The day after she told me about her unfriendly classmate she came home from school, ready to download her day as usual. The first thing she shared? She saw this particular girl scowling at her but instead of turning away, Hope approached her, handed her a card for the youth group event, and invited her to come. Hope said that the girl didn’t look so angry afterwards! What a victory for Hope!

Although Hope still struggles with English comprehension, fear of marching in band, and being able to follow along with all of her classes, she has demonstrated poise and character beyond her years. She no longer wears the scarlet letters: O for Orphan, U for Unwanted, W for Worthless.  Instead, she wears a mantle of love and acceptance and value and worth. She knows that she is our child, she is learning that she is God’s child, and she is acting on what she believes.

All my best,

Amy

The Joke Without a Punchline

Finally, we have completed the oath ceremony for Hope. She was being denied her certificate of citizenship because, although she became a US citizen upon getting her Chinese passport stamped at the airport customs back in February, AND she took an oath back in Guangzhou at the American Embassy, AND she has received her American passport (which is evidence of her citizenship, not proof) she needed to jump through yet another hoop. So, after months of waiting, dozens of phone calls, a 7 hour round trip, 20 minutes of waiting before the appointment, 20 minutes of waiting for the late start at Detroit US CIS, and repeating a ridiculous oath, Hope is finally official!

Hope was concerned that she didn’t understand almost all of the oath she was supposed to repeat. Take a moment and read what she promised today:

“OATH OF ALLEGIANCE”

I HEREBY DECLARE, ON OATH, THAT I ABSOLUTELY AND ENTIRELY RENOUNCE AND ABJURE ALL ALLEGIANCE AND FIDELITY TO ANY FOREIGN PRINCE, POTENTATE, STATE OR SOVEREIGNTY, OF WHOM OR WHICH I HAVE HERETOFORE BEEN A SUBJECT OR CITIZEN; THAT I WILL SUPPORT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION AND LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC; THAT I WILL BEAR TRUE FAITH AND ALLEGIANCE TO THE SAME; THAT I WILL BEAR ARMS ON BEHALF OF THE UNITED STATES WHEN REQUIRED BY THE LAW: THAT I WILL PERFORM NONCOMBATANT SERVICE IN THE ARMED FORCES OF THE UNITED STATES WHEN REQUIRED BY LAW; THAT I WILL PERFORM WORK OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE UNDER CIVILIAN DIRECTION WHEN REQUIRED BY THE LAW; AND THAT I TAKE THIS OBLIGATION FREELY WITHOUT ANY MENTAL RESERVATION OR PURPOSE OF EVASION; SO HELP ME GOD.

(WHAT???!?!?!!!) Can you believe that the United States congress required me to drive 7 hours and put my 14 year old child through THAT??? For what earthly purpose??? Ahh, tax dollars at work. What a farce!

Speaking of tax dollars well spent, check out what a printed sign said inside the vending machine there:

"Please do not use Canadian money in vendoring machine.Canadian money can render vendoring machine inoperable. Use U.S.A. money currency only with exception of 1/2 a dollars."

Welcome to America, eh?

Now that THAT is behind us, I can truly say:

All my best,

Amy

Survivor Guilt

Hope talked to her China family this morning. She didn’t really expound about much until dinner when she shared that her older sister (who was brought into the home to replace her) told her that all of her friends in China are angry with her because she doesn’t talk to them. She also told Hope that her younger sister was doing so much and that Hope was missing it all. Finally she asked Hope “Why you?” She said that she turned 14 and no one wanted her and no one adopted her at the last minute (like what happened to Hope) so why Hope?

It seemed that those questions were reverberating in Hope’s mind all day. At dinner she asked us over and over “Why me?” and asked us to retell the path we took to her. She asked us how we could love her before we even met her and what if she was naughty? What then?  She asked why we couldn’t adopt her sisters and her friends too.

All of our answers felt vague in concept, kind of like asking her to hold onto a cloud. We kept on telling her that God brought her to us, first to our eyes, then to our hearts, and finally to our family. We told her that we could love her before we met her because that is what parents to for all their children. We explained that we were able to love her because God first loved us; that even when she didn’t know us or was rejecting us and thinking we were the enemy our hearts were overflowing with love for her and we pursued her until she decided to turn two us, just like God loved us before we knew him and even when we were his enemy. We sadly told her that we were not able to adopt all of her foster siblings and friends, just because it was not possible.

Which got me thinking…

What if we did adopt again?

(David doesn’t like this line of thinking.)

So I have petitioned God to change our hearts to be like HIS, to turn around our mindsets and to have the desires HE wants us to have.

All the kids know my heart. David knows my heart. Most importantly, God knows my heart. And I will learn to be satisfied with what HE has planned for me. For us.

It seems that I too am experiencing survivor guilt. I have been blessed with so much. There is SO MUCH need out there! How can I say that I have done enough? When will we have the family God planned for us?  Six kids? Seven? Ten?

Although I don’t know the answers, I do know that before Hope went to bed she hugged me and told me that she was so glad that I was her mom. I am too.

And that is enough thinking for one night.

All my best, Amy