My Fish

It is so hard to believe that only a little over 4 months ago both Hope and Amanda had never been swimming. To look at them today…WOW! Amanda has officially graduated off of the arm bands and is swimming both on top of the water and under water. She dives for toys on the bottom of the pool, does somersaults in the water, jumps in going frontwards, backwards, and doing “twisties”, and goes down our pool slide dozens of times a day. She is quite a fish! Both she and Hannah are going for swim lessons next month to learn the strokes properly so they can join the swim team this fall.

Hope is not as advanced as Mandy but she has come such a long way! Only 1 month ago she wouldn’t enter the pool without me. Just 2 weeks ago I had to jump in to save her because she didn’t know enough to reach out for a reaching assist. Now she swims regularly with a life vest on but will also take it off (with permission, of course) and attempt swimming in the shallow part of the pool by herself. She has tried to dive for the toys at the bottom of the pool but hasn’t succeeded yet, but she TRIES! Just 2 weeks ago she couldn’t stand up without help—now she goes down the slide, jumps in, and uses a snorkel and goggles to swim around. She has even kicked across the pool while holding her breath without ANY floatation devise…WHO would have thought it possible? She also is signed up for swim lessons next month. Hopey definitely won’t tell you that she is excited about it, but if you look closely, she gets a glimmer in her eyes when she talks about it!

My eldest two are in swim practice every day and lifting in a swim-specific weight program 2-3 days a week. Hailey is determined to place at state this year and Austin has been uncomfortable since getting a 2nd in state last year in his 100 free. He is determined to take first in both the 50 and 100 this winter as well as entice any scholarship offers from universities.

Andrew is not swimming but is in a diving camp. He has been known to have a knack for dancing and has been invited to be on a traveling competitive team before. Our trip to Shanghai derailed that endeavor but he is finally finding a way to use his God-given talents. For someone who decided last year to give diving a try, he is holding his own against high schoolers! He likes to go to practice early and stay late which speaks volumes about his heart. It makes me nervous to watch him dive because he gets closer and closer to the board the better he performs.

Between the school’s pool and the one in our backyard, ALL of my kids have a very healthy diet of chlorinated water. It seems to be a wonder-drug for acne but is hard on the hair, causing it to either break off or turn green! It can be said that the aroma of “Ode de Chlorine” permeates our house at any given time.

The joys of summer!

All my best,

Amy

Today’s Friends, Yesterday’s Family

Saturday night was a long one for us! Our dear friends who are missionaries in Bangkok came home for summer furlough. They arrived at the airport at 11:38 pm, family complete and bags accounted for! The sheer enormity of this task is remarkable: two and a half years ago they “rescued” a girl being sold to the slave market and started proceedings to adopt her. Being that they bought her (which is illegal) put huge barriers in their path, especially with the Hague in place now. They had planned on returning to the states last summer but their child wasn’t granted a travel visa at the last minute. Even this year they climbed sizable mountains, completing her adoption and obtaining her visa only days before travel. (sounds vaguely familiar…) Three of my kids went to the airport with me to greet and deliver our friends to their house for the summer and everyone got to meet them Sunday night in an impromptu dinner party. Hope and Amanda were very uncertain about the new people and clung to each other and to me for a long time. By the end of the night, however, Mandy was hugging Liz’s neck, not wanting to let her go! Hope asked when they were coming back before they left the driveway and started to dance a jig when I mentioned an impending sleepover later this week. I am glad that everyone meshed so well since I plan on having this other family be a part of our daily lives for the next 2 months!

WELCOME Dave, Sonja, Liz, Elliot, Grace, Elliana, and Ammie!

Saturday night Hope decided she wanted to call her teacher from China. It took several attempts but we found out that her teacher’s cell phone number was no longer in service for her. Determined to make contact with someone from China, Hope then called her foster family. Her father answered, but Hope locked up and wouldn’t talk. She started to cry, not wanting to answer his questions of how she was, etc. How could she answer “fine, good, I am doing well,” etc without hurting his feelings?  He then became frustrated with her for not talking and started yelling at her. At this point she hung up and really cried. HARD. Dave was there and comforted her by hugging her, stroking her hair, rubbing her back, just repeating over and over that he loved her. I also hugged and loved on her until the tears subsided and encouraged her to talk to Minnie. Through Minnie we found out about Hope’s conflicting feelings and frustrations. We encouraged Hope to call her foster parents again, but she definitely wasn’t ready.

Sunday night, soon after our friends left, Hope decided she wanted to call again. After coaching her on what she could say and talk about, we got her on the phone, this time with her China mom. It looked like there was going to be a repeat performance as she immediately started to cry and refused to talk when I grabbed an extension and gave it to Minnie, saying “Talk!” Min got on the line and started talking to Hope’s foster mom in Mandarin and continued to do so for quite a few minutes. Min explained Hope’s feelings and told her foster mom about us, Hope’s accomplishments, etc. Soon Hope was able to supply an answer to a question and then picked up the conversation. Min stayed on the phone, trying to let me know what was being said and trying to officiate, making sure that what was being said was appropriate. I say “trying” because Hope and her China mom were talking in a dialect of their region in Kunming and Min could only make out bits and pieces. Hope also asked her foster mom for a recipe for some kind of rice dumpling that is eaten for the up-coming Dragon Boat Festival next week. Hope’s foster mom first said that we wouldn’t be able to get the ingredients here but Hope proudly told her that we already bought the sweet rice (a 50-pound bag!) for it, so her other mom told her the directions. Hope finished the conversation SO happy and SO eager to make contact again! She had worried about making contact with her foster family for the past 2 months…she even wrote and ripped up letters to them. She was certain that they forgot about her! Her foster mom is going to ask her uncle for his e-mail address so Hope can make more frequent direct contact and send photos online. She found out that the letter she sent to her classmates over a month ago DID get delivered, even if they didn’t write back. Hope is now beaming, eager to write, eager to call, eager to e-mail her foster family, her friends in China, as well as her friend here in NY who was adopted before her. It seems that she has the internal strength to do ANYTHING right now!!!

When the noise of the day faded away with the last child going to bed Dave asked me if I had mixed emotions about Hope being so happy to talk to her China mom.   I must admit that although the question was a valid one, it had never crossed my mind or heart. I am SO HAPPY that this family loved and supported Hope for so long! They surrounded her with extended family: grandparents, uncles, cousins, as well as numerous foster siblings. They taught her the value of hard work, the importance of family, and the worth of education. I certainly don’t feel threatened by her—at the end of the day, Hope is HERE, learning that her significance to me is not dependent on her usefulness but based upon my love for her which stems from God’s love for me. Hope is who she is today largely because of her China mom; for that I am very grateful.

Xie xie, Zhong gua ma ma!

All my best,

Amy

A Glance Back, A Glimpse Ahead

It has been so long since I sat down to write. There have been many times that I thought “I need to blog about this!” but then I would lose that thought by the time I sat down in front of the computer. Goodness, I often lose my train of thought walking from one room to the next!  No wonder I didn’t become an engineer…always losing my train (of thought)…hee hee…ok, lame joke. Sorry. J

Dave is finally over his jet lag from a 2 week stay in China. It was hard on everyone to have him gone! Hope and Mandy daily lamented that Dad wasn’t home. They did jump right in the family tradition of “sharing nights in mom’s bed”. I didn’t even have one free night the whole time Dave was away. I also found out that Mandy is a touchy-feely person in her sleep.  She often “touched” with her feet as she tap-danced on my back, laying perpendicular in the bed. It didn’t matter how many times I righted her position and how many pillows I placed in between us…those monkey toes would burrow their way underneath like heat-seeking missiles. I also found out that she needed her toe nails cut, evidenced by the scratches I received. What a night!

It actually worked out well that there were not enough days for everyone to go twice. Of the seven kids that slept with me, only Hannah made my bed the next morning. Because of this, she was rewarded with an additional night. Of all the kids, only Andrew stayed and helped me with dinner dishes on Mothers’ Day. He was rewarded with an additional night, too. When the other kids saw that they could earn another night in the “BIG” bed, they started helping out around the house more! Not everyone, but some, and every little bit of help counts!

I was blessed with several unique, thoughtful Mothers’ Day gifts from my kiddos. My FAVORITE one, however, is a book made out of my blog entries, people’s comments, and photos of our adoption/family life. I had mentioned that I wanted that in the past but never took any steps to make it happen. Now I have it to cherish forever.

School is winding down, sports are wrapping up, and summer is upon us. Whoo-hoo! I am looking forward to having my kids around more! Austin and Hailey will be swimming through the summer, Andrew will be training for CC as well as spending time in the pool in diving camps, and Hope, Hannah and Amanda will participate in a summer art class. Austin has a job that will increase his hours in the summer as well as be involved in a weight lifting program, so his time will be filled, but since he drives himself it doesn’t affect the rest of us too much. Everyone else will have *something* to do to break up the 3 months of summer break but not enough to be too busy. Everyone will have the chance to get bored and then figure out how to entertain (him) herself WITHOUT a computer screen. That is a skill that will be difficult for Hope to learn (but very important as well). It will be a great time to just be a family!

How blessed we are! I don’t deserve even a moment of this happiness, but I cherish every one.

Thank you, God:

for entrusting each and every child to my care;

to hold on tight for a while and then release as they grow;

to love forever!

All my best,

Amy

PS. I have to give a shout-out to my son Andrew! He ran the mile in his track conference last night. He trained all season for the 400 and 800, but those events were filled so he was placed in the mile run. His PR from one practice run at the beginning of the season was just over 6:30 so he was hoping to break 6:30. Instead, he wrapped up the season with 6:07!!! Like he said, “Imagine what I could do if I actually train for it!!!” Great job, Boo!

No Concert, New Permit, & Future Fun!

After agonizing all weekend about the impending band concert, I sent Hope off to school on Monday with a promise to talk to her teacher. She was so fearful of performing on stage! I did talk to her teacher and he gave her the option of not attending, which would have been great solution to her problem. However, Hope decided to take things into her own hands and cut class later that day. Hmmm…I know it was rooted in the trust issue (or lack thereof) but since it was a repeat performance on her part she experienced the loss of computer privileges for the week as consequences. I think she was madder at herself than at me, but she simmered in her scowls all Monday evening and even through school on Tuesday. I had written her a note in her lunch explaining that although I didn’t like her behavior, I did like her, and that she needed to say she was sorry and seek forgiveness from her band instructor. I asked her about it when she came home from school and she said she did it and then apologized to me as well. It was a long 24 hours of hard feelings but it seems now that they were productive in helping her learn both to trust and to be trustworthy.

Hailey went for her drivers’ permit Wednesday afternoon. She opted to ask Dave to take her and then drove with him for the first time afterwards. Neither she nor Dave had a good report about that event! Weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, white knuckles, and high tensions filled the evening. Thankfully they both can laugh about it now, but Hailey still vows that she will NEVER drive with dad again! They both agree that she won’t drive in Holland until AFTER Tulip Time—it will be safer for her AND the pedestrians!!! Hope STILL talks about wanting to drive. THAT scares ME!

Speaking of Tulip Time, we have two parades to attend this week! Austin, Hailey and Andrew will be marching; Hannah, Hope and Amanda will be watching with me. We also will introduce Hope and Amanda to elephant ears, cotton candy, and (endless) Klompen Dancers. We also will be going out after the parades on Wednesday for a Cinco de Mayo celebration—both Hope and Amanda love Mexican food! I wonder if they will like the live Mariachi bands…

Having a blast with my new family,

Amy

Our Adoption Story

We stood before you almost exactly two years ago and shared the hard times, the sifting that God had taken us through individually, as a couple and even as a family.  God had definitely broken up the ground of our lives. He reworked our marriage, our family our hearts and even our home as he moved us to China for a time.  It was at once the most terrible and the most beautiful time in our lives.

We knew God was up to something, but so much easier now to see that God was waking us up and teaching us to rely on him….he had more for us.  More for us than coasting through life on maintenance mode...he had a mission for us.  I thought we were all set.  Yes, we felt a calling to do more and were ready, so we thought…we still had our savings, our plans, our home, our family, our retirement…..all under control.  Right!

A quote by A. W. Tozer sums it up well:
" God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan only the things we can do by ourselves."

Two  years later our savings are gone, our plans have changed, our family will never be the same, retirement…well, not likely.  We could not be more thankful!

Our pastor asked us to share our testimony about our adoption process.  As we tried to prepare our “adoption testimony” two things became abundantly clear:    

 It is impossible to separate our adoption testimony from the testimony of our walk with Christ

Finding analogies, parallels and clear callings in scripture between our salvation and caring for orphans is NOT like being served a softball pitch to hit out of the park it is like being served 1000 softball pitches all at once and deciding which one to swing at.   You just have to swing your bat and you are going to hit one.

For those of you who know us know one of the clearest passions or burdens that God placed on our hearts through our sifting process was one of pointing the lost to Christ in both word and deed, especially to those who have very little chance of hearing God’s word.  One of the very first quotes I remember reading was what John Piper frequently says: “there are three types of people;  goers, senders or the disobedient”.  We were sure two years ago and are still as sure today that we will be “goers”.  However, with all due respect, I think Piper’s quote is inadequate.  God showed us there is another action verb that should be added, “bringers”.  “Goers, senders, bringers or disobedient”. We are not yet prepared to go, but certainly God has prepared us to “bring”… the lost to us…today. 

We ultimately heard a clear calling for us to adopt from overseas.  This was our calling for today.

Please hear us when we say that we did not adopt only because we wanted to rescue someone, but it would also be untrue to say that it was not a part of it.  We also adopted because we believed there was still more room in our hearts and home.  Both are true plus dozens of other reasons that only God could explain.  It is true, however, that there are hundreds of thousands of children across this world that short of being adopted will likely NEVER hear the gospel.  Amy coined a phrase while in China that speaks to this truth: “Dead child walking”.  Harsh?  Probably.  True? Absolutely.

Amy had always wanted to adopt. As a child she had a Chinese doll that she pretended was her baby.  For decades she talked of Chinese children even  before I started traveling there or we lived there.  Although Amy told me of her desire to adopt, she rarely mentioned it and certainly never pressured me.  As far as I was concerned our quiver was full, adoption was dangerous, too expensive and certainly out my control.

One day in November 2008 the Holy Spirit moved in my heart. I told Amy before breakfast one morning that I thought we should adopt.  Amy was shocked (bruised her jaw on the floor when it dropped!) and overjoyed. Our adoption journey began for one little girl, a sister for our youngest child, Hannah.  

"God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan only the things we can do by ourselves."  Thanks, Tozer!

We prayed as a family, talked as a family and agreed that we were on this path together.

We did not know in which country to look.

We did not know how to look at scores of photos and “choose a child.”

We did not even know how to choose an agency.

Much less did we know how to pay for the adoption

For months, Amy agonized and pleaded with God along with many ladies from her Bible studies. 

Although Amy wanted to adopt from China, there were several mountains in our path.  We ended up looking to several other countries including Ethiopia and Thailand and signed on with two different adoption agencies. 

Proverbs 16:9 – The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

In ways that only He could do, God either MOVED those mountains, showed us a path around them, or called us to climb them.

God providentially took us back to China, with still no idea how we were going to pay for it. This was the part for which we were going to have to get our climbing boots!

After months of agonizing “how to choose”, in early June God showed us our little Mandy from Wuzhou City, China.  God brought us each to love her in due time with only a short bio and a couple of aged pictures.  We had hopes of having her home by Christmas.  Just paperwork to complete now!  (Yeah, right!)

In July another Calvary adoptive family stepped in and started praying with us and helping us figure out how to pay for this.

The next 3-4 months were times of learning to trust God and remember he was in control.  The paperwork always took longer than it should, things got delayed, and expenses started to mount faster than savings accounts and fund raisers could handle.  Even with these minor frustrations we were extremely blessed and amazed at the generosity of our friends, family, Hamilton businesses and even some local Hamilton churches. We saw God at work in His people at grocery stores, at an optometrist office, at car washes, at prayer meetings, and even blog sites.  We were greatly humbled.

It was hard enough to raise money, but soon it became necessary to just be gut level honest with people and ask for help.  This was not easy.  There was a lot of pride that had to go and it HURT. 

We soon learned to understand that God’s resources are not limited to what we see, what we think is reasonable or practical.  God uses generous people. 

“One man gives freely, yet gains even more…”  Proverbs 11:24a

We truly saw God’s hand extended in mercy and generosity. 

AND THEN God decided there was more…. The Friday before Thanksgiving, Amy received an e-mail.  Amy prayed and prayed before I got home for direction on what was presented to her.  When I got home she did not yet sense a clear direction, but shared with me what she was presented and that was that there was another little girl just outside of Kunming, China who would turn 14 on Jan. 20th and as a result become “unadoptable”, she would age out of the system.  We had until Monday to decide if we would be the ones to try and adopt her.  With only 8-9weeks until her “age out date” it was a long shot to even try.  Our own adoption agency said it could not be done, apparently they did not know our God.

We prayed all weekend.  By Saturday Amy already knew, but did nothing to pressure me.  After a long night of wrestling with God, by Sunday I knew that I could not say no.  My flesh, my logic, my selfishness screamed “NO WAY”, but how could I???  How could I possibly let finances, bedrooms, college tuitions, weddings, savings, or retirement stand in the way of giving a little girl a family. 

We stepped out in faith the first time to get a daughter we wanted for our family. We stepped out with our other foot in faith to get a daughter GOD wanted for our family.

The race was on!!!

Amy started praying and Amy starting pushing (a dangerous duo). 

Literally hundreds if not thousands of people praying for us and Hope from adoption blog sites across the nation.

An unnamed angel put up a $5,000  matching grant. 

The grant was matched, mainly from other adoptive families we have never met face to face.

The US and China moved paperwork (or, should I say, God did).

Against our agency’s best advise we bought airline tickets over Christmas for January to arrive in Kunming two days before Hope’s birthday.  Technically, we were traveling illegally as the documentation to allow us to adopt, which doubles as our reason for getting a visa to China, would have to meet us there.  There was no time to wait.

We hugged Hope on Jan. 18th at about 9:45 am, less than 1 day and 7 hours before she would be without a forever family forever. 

Approximately 28 hours later we were in Nanning hugging Amanda for the very first time. 

To compare this with how God first loved us, before we even knew he existed, or how we resisted Him even when He got our attention seems so obvious.  We loved these girls before we ever held them. We were never going to let them go.  To lose them in the process would have been kindred to a miscarriage, as we know all too well.  To expect the girls to feel the same would be naïve, and they certainly did not.  Pastor Paul could preach a couple dozen sermons on the spiritual salvation parallelisms that started then and continue until today. Trust, love, & transparency all take time and are things that they know little of.  Sometimes all we can do is hug them, even when they resist. Especially when they resist!

Isaiah 43:5-7

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.

Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth – everyone who is called by my name whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.

Our earnest prayer is that both will be sharing their own testimonies in the coming years like their “sister”, Minnie.  Their understanding of our faith to date is ironically off to a perfect start.  Hope shared with us that in China she was taught that only the weak believe in God. May we always be weak so He can be STRONG!

All our best,

Dave (writing for Amy)

PS. Minnie was baptized this past weekend! She made a public confession of faith before she took “the plunge”.  We are so thankful and honored that God blessed us with the opportunity to walk this path with Minnie! Hope and Amanda don’t quite understand what went on. They think it was cool that Minnie was able to go swimming in church! I pray that we will soon be a family of “swimmers”!

A.M.B.,

Amy

Anticipation and Apprehension

Today our middle school has a job shadowing day for the kids in seventh grade. Andrew is going to work with his dad, as did his brother four years ago. Hope didn’t know about this until yesterday when everyone at school was talking about it. She was confused as to why she wasn’t going with Dad too. I tried to explain to her that she wouldn’t know much of what was being said. I didn’t explain (but know full well) that her lack of social tact (yelling “Dadeee”, interrupting while adults are talking, etc) would be a problem for Dave. I told her that she would have a special time with Dad next year and she is already counting down the days! She also is counting the months until she can to drivers ed. Unfortunately, Hailey told her soon after her arrival here that she would be old enough to learn to drive this September and Hope hasn’t forgotten (why couldn’t that be something she didn’t understand?!?). We are continually telling her that she needs to be in high school before she learns to drive (house rules!) so now she wants to go to high school next year.  For a girl that was afraid to try new things when she first arrived, she certainly has had a boost to her confidence and is ambitious about new experiences!

Yesterday Dave taught Hannah and Amanda to drive our go-kart. Hannah really wanted to learn but was deathly afraid of going too fast. She did a stop-go-stop-go circle around the front yard and was satisfied. Amanda wanted to try just because Hannah did it.  Dave showed her the gas and brake pedals and they practiced stomping on the brake several times when he yelled “stop”. THANKFULLY God prompted Dave to put his hands on the roll bars just in time b/c Amanda punched the gas and froze. She would have ended in the trees or upside down or something…instead the kart popped up almost vertically until Dave got her to brake.  She continued to do her circle in the front yard but this is why Mandy’s photo has Dave’s hands on the roll bars.

Thank you God for keeping your hand on ME even when I think I can do it all by myself. Thank you also for not giving me everything I ask for when I want it. Your timing is perfect!

All my best,

Amy

New Life =New Experiences!

Add these to the lists of firsts:

Ice skating

Roller skating

Shooting guns (22 rifle, 410 shotgun, 9mm pistol, & 357 pistol—which was WAY too big for the girls!)

Shingled a roof

Painting a shed

Hit a piñata at a birthday party (Mandy)

Witnessed a yelling match between a brother and sister when mom and dad were out and experienced the discussion/consequences when parents came home…

Ear piercing!!!!

Running through the sprinklers!

Some were exciting, some hurt, some were scary, but they all ended as a wonderful bonding experience for EVERYONE! 

All my best,

Amy


P.S. New photos are added to the link to the right!

Mercy and Grace

Who would have thought that the promise of a homemade smoothie would have had such tragic ramifications?!? While I was still cleaning up after dinner, Mandy and Hannah were cutting loose in the family room, excited about the prospect of the yummy dessert. Hannah turned upside-down on the couch and kicked her feet in the air. Unfortunately, Mandy did the same but did it next to the half wall and her flailing feet sent a vase to its demise. I saw it about to happen but even though I yelled for her to stop, it was too late. Typical Mandy…she stood up and said “I don’t know!”, trying to side-step the blame. I had both her and Hannah clean up the mess and then go outside. I was upset that she did it; this wasn’t the first thing she had broken and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I didn’t yell, but put them outside so I could reign in the emotion before it damaged anyone. Before I knew it Mandy was back inside, moping around in the kitchen, not making eye contact but not seeking forgiveness either. Every part of my selfish, fleshly heart wanted her to stew in it for a while, but upon God’s prompting (and Dave’s encouraging) I knelt down in front of her, explained through a mixture of Chinese and English that I knew it was a mistake and that I forgave her. She melted into my arms, tears dropping down my back. Mercy reached down and lifted her up.

Later, Dave told Hope to get off the computer. Hope was ticked and stormed upstairs in a huff. Not finding this response acceptable, Dave went upstairs after her. Hope was barricaded in her room, refused to look at or acknowledge Dave speaking to her. Dave redirected her face to look at him gently with his hands while still speaking to her, but Hope lashed out and struck Dave. I knew from the floor below that SOMETHING bad happened, as Dave’s voice was booming from above. He told me what she did upon his decent so I went upstairs to address it and to show a unified front between her parents. I told her “We don’t hit in our family! You don’t hit baba, you don’t hit mama, you don’t hit sisters and you don’t hit brothers. Do you understand?” I also told her to tell me with her voice “yes or no” so I wouldn’t mistake a head nod for agreement when it wasn’t meant to be. Also, since we didn’t have a past of bending her will as she bent over our knee, I wanted to make her submit in a way that I knew it was her will. Although tears ran freely from her eyes, she was not going to agree with me verbally. Both Dave and I repeated the phrase: “We don’t hit in our family…” at least four dozen times, acknowledging that she started nodding after three dozen but insisting that she spoke her agreement. FINALLY, she said yes and tried to pull away to cry it out. I reached out to her drew her into a big hug, and told her that this was the time we were going to surround her with love. This teenage girl full of independence let herself go into our arms and cried silently (and not so silently). After about 10 minutes I asked her if she wanted us to stay or go, thinking she might like some privacy to compose herself. Much to my surprise, she said stay, and she just stayed in our arms for a while longer. Finally she sat up, took my previous suggestion to heart about seeking forgiveness and said “I’m sorry Dad”, adding “I’m sorry Mom”, totally unprompted. The waterworks started again, this time by Dave and me, as we hugged her and kissed her and told her we forgave her and loved her. Grace abounded.

How can such an emotionally charged, difficult day be so good?

All my best,

Amy

A Shift Has Occurred

When we first came home from China, Hope would talk about her foster mother and refer to her as “Mom”. I referred to “the other woman” as Hope’s “China Mom” several times but then gave in and just called her Hope’s “Mom”. I didn’t like to share the title, but I didn’t want to push the issue. She was Hope’s only Mom for 12 years! Hope was calling me “Mom” as well, so I let it ride.

Just recently Hope started calling her foster Mom “China Mom”. The first time she did it I thought she just made a mistake and I continued to refer to her as Hope’s “Mom”, but within the past two days we both have made the switch: the foster mother is now “China Mom” and I alone hold the coveted position of “Mom”!!!

I am a happy Mom!!!

All my best,

Amy

Learning to Love and Trust

I find it to be very interesting…almost always on the heels of a “good” day we experience a bad one. One day Hope agrees to start wearing deodorant; the next she is pouting b/c I am not spending enough time with her. One day Mandy is enjoying her bicycle, jumping on the trampoline, and jumping rope; the next day she has a crying fit b/c I make her go outside to play. Mandy lost her privilege of going on the family swim night last week due to the fact that she had a crying temper tantrum during dinner. It was uncomfortable and ugly, but Hope was able to see that we didn’t allow Mandy to slam her door when she retreated to her room.  Mandy was able to see that Hope missed ice cream for dessert b/c she was pouting in her room from being asked to get off the computer. Both Amanda and Hope saw us discipline Austin and Hailey as they acted improperly against each other. Both Amanda and Hope have experienced special 1:1 time with mom and dad as well as seen us carve out time to spend with the other children. All of our kids have learned more about sacrificial love, pursuing others for their good, and walking outside their comfort zones. Adoption is a beautiful thing for EVERYONE involved!!!

Hope and Amanda are excited about Nai-nai coming on Wednesday. Both the girls are crazy about family, immediate and extended. Since they found out about it yesterday I have heard about Nai nai’s impending arrival about 63 times…it is so good to see them wanting to be a part of the family!

Hope has had the experience of helping Dave dig up our septic tank to have it pumped, blowing the driveway clean, and build a storage shed behind the barn. Mandy has discovered that sharing is better than having everything all by herself, power outages won’t be the death of her at night, and that Easter baskets hold a LOT of yummy treats! Hope has found that even though she has never played “Spot” with a bunch of kids she barely knows, she can have a lot of fun and hold her own while being “it”. AND, both girls are learning to walk in the love of a forever family…that when they make mistakes, either intentionally or unintentionally, by omission or commission, they can seek forgiveness and have it granted. That we will protect them when scary things happen. And that love is always waiting to be lavished upon them when they are willing to accept it.

During the Good Friday service our exchange student and honorary member of our family, Minnie, accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior!!! The new girls didn’t know what to make of it, especially with the mixture of tears and laughter from us as well as MANY people of our church. I continue to hope and pray for our new girls that they will also join our spiritual family soon. Mandy hears me pray every night that she will love Jesus with her whOOOOOOOle (spelled as I say it) heart; Hope asks for Dave to pray over her at night. We pray that we are helping to break up their fallow ground, for it IS the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon them. (Hosea 10:12)

I still am amazed that God has entrusted these two children to us. They are not blank slates—they have come with past problems and nuances, some of which are larger than others to overcome. As I sit with my 4 bio children around me I also realize they did not come to us as blank slates…they each have their own issues and inclinations that make them distinctly themselves. We are discovering more about each child as they are discovering more about themselves. God is responsible for their hearts…we are responsible to love them and build them up according to their needs. This looks differently for each child, which makes the whole job of parenting more challenging and interesting than if they were all just the same. It also makes me draw nearer to HIM, which is also part of His plan. Praise His Name!

All my best,

Amy

A Week of Firsts!

After many attempts and persuasions, Hope finally made the plunge! She did the dip into our local swimming pool! She now loves the water, although she can’t seem to identify the surface of the water and repetitively plunks her face down and then promptly inhales.  Thankfully it is followed by laughter (and a tighter grip on me).

Mandy continues to LOVE the water—we strap on a swim belt around her middle and put a noodle under her arms, and off she goes! She doesn’t go under water yet, but it is a matter of time…she was trying to swim without the noodle last time but not succeeding very well. Thankfully I was within a few strokes to elevate her mouth above the surface of the water, but she didn’t seem to mind too much.

Last week we decided it was time to teach both the new girls and Hannah to ride a two wheel bike. Minnie started running up and down the driveway with the little ones while Dave helped Hope. I traded with Min and ran them both twice until I was too tired to handle the bike anymore. Although Hannah was fine with quitting, Mandy was NOT going to let the sun go down without mastering the bicycle! Considering she had NO balance while I was helping her, she took the next 30 minutes to teach herself and continued racing up and down the driveway with a silly grin plastered across her face. The next morning Hannah was up before dawn ready to ride her bike…and not ready to be outdone by her sister! It took considerably longer, several hours, several attempts and many tears, but Hannah learned that afternoon. Hope still couldn’t catch on, partly because she was trying to use my bike that was too big for her. Two days later Dave decided that these girls needed bikes to be a part of their Americana experience. Off to Meijer we went and 30 minutes later our new girls had new bikes. Not expensive ones, no bells or whistles, but new for them! It took a few more days and Hope was able to ride too (and only crashed into trees occasionally).

Monday marked the day of Hope’s first full day of school! I accompanied her for two lunch periods, but then she learned to go solo! She still sits by Andrew even though she has received multiple invitations from other girls. Even though she is exempt from homework (except math) she still attempts it every night. She no longer needs Hailey’s help to practice the flute. AND she changes her clothes every day! We have seen great progress!!!

How Beautiful!

Hope adores her art class! I have been so thankful that the teacher has been so accommodating, proactive, and committed to Hope’s well being. We even received a congratulations card from Hope’s art teacher, expressing her joy for us. Kathy, the art teacher, also shared with us why she is so happy and excited for us…she was adopted when she was an infant. I had the joy of sharing that with Hope, using a combination of drawings, pantomime and her dictionary. Initially Hope was confused; Kathy was an American when she was born but yet she was still adopted. I assured her that people all over the world are adopted. Hope seemed to understand and was very happy. Now she loves the art class because of what she does in it AND because of the kinship she has with her teacher.

Hope also desired to walk past her math teacher’s classroom again, just so she knows where it is and how to get to it. She is still fearful of the bald-headed teacher, but she knows that he is like her dad, loving another child enough to adopt as well.

In school a week and already we have met two people with the adoption connection. I don’t know if this is officially the “red thread” that is shared in Asian adoptions, but it is being woven together to make a beautiful tapestry by our Creator. Thank you, God!

All my best,

Amy

PS  I had mentioned that we met a woman in Guangzhou that was said she was a Catholic, and that we should pray for her. I think that I need to clarify my statement…lest I unnecessarily offend.

Michelle had said she was a Catholic but didn’t understand about Christianity. That was the part that I felt the burden to pray for her. If she had said she was Baptist, Lutheran, Mennonite, Reformed, or any other “religion” and didn’t know how Jesus fit into the picture, I would have felt the need to pray for her heart. I think we often get caught up in the names, either in a positive or negative way. I like to refer to myself as a follower of Jesus, and it is Christ alone, by faith alone that I am saved. Praise Him!

So, if I offended, please accept my apology. It was not my intention, and I hope that my heart wasn’t eclipsed by my words. J

Three weeks and counting…

This time it is counting our time home. Although I have desired to log and blog every day, every waking moment has been filled to capacity!

Both Hope and Mandy are doing very well overall. We continue to have periodic “blips” where my desires and their wills don’t match…and results in a lot of scowling, door slamming, and pouting in their rooms. (Usually by our teen more than the other!) One day Hope slept 6 hours while she was sulking and was surprised that she wasn’t tired at bedtime. I don’t know how long she was in bed before she fell asleep b/c I am usually out moments after my head hits the pillow!

Mandy and Hannah have found a good playmate in each other, although I know that Hannah misses the days of life without a virtual twin and shared attention. Hannah tries SO HARD to incorporate Mandy and gives (usually) sacrificially. Every once in a while she struggles through tears, which is better than the crying 7-8 times a day two weeks ago. Mandy’s English is coming along and she understands more than she speaks, so we usually don’t have too much of a communication problem. Pantomime is used often too. We have been “schooling” in math sums, alphabet writing and identification, and following directions.

Hope has been going to school part time this week. Actually, it has only been for an art class, but she LOVES it. She is learning to weave a rug. In a little over a week she will be in the art class for 1 ½ periods, combining the weaving with a drawing class. Mrs. Babcock has been wonderful in accommodating Hopes desires and needs, and I am very thankful. Next week Hope will be starting Rosetta Stone-English on the school computer, will start trying instruments with the band instructor to find out which one she would like to learn, and may start a math class as well. Hope is uncertain about the math, as the teacher is bald. She seems to think that makes him mean, although I assured her that he is very nice. The math teacher is also an adoptive parent, so he is a perfect choice for Hope. I couldn’t have worked it out any better—thank you God!!!

We have had so many firsts since home! The girls have sat through many swim meets, band concerts, church services, and have discovered a love of SHOPPING!!! (what a change for Hope!) They have been to a local aquatic center for swimming (Hope just watched, but Mandy went down the three-story slide!), the dentist office (no repair at this time, just a cleaning, but Mandy cried through the whole thing. Cavity repair will commence a few months from now), and Hope had a quick doctor’s visit for her cough (next week we go for their second chicken pox immunization and blood titers…ugh!).  

I have had a glimpse into Hope’s heart. One night after a swimming meet I was getting the kids into the van to go home. Hannah was trying to get Hope’s attention by repetitively saying her name: Xi Fan! Xi Fan! Xi Fan! Finally Hope turned around and told her, “I’m not Xi Fan, I’m Hope!” Again, at the dentist office I was filling out their paperwork and listed her whole name: Hope Katherine XiFan Fathman. When she saw it, she told me no while pointing to her Chinese name. I put a line through it, and she was pleased. Of course Mandy then wanted the same thing…

Finally, I have to share a quirk of Mandy’s—she loves to look at, into, through, and around EVERYTHING. She then asks me for various things—a pin, my clothing, toys, a handful of change, whatever. I usually say ok to anything she requests when she is exploring (but not anything that she could break or has a large monetary or sentimental value) but then she doesn’t want it anymore and puts it back. Even when Hannah tries to give her change, Mandy always gives it back. She is amazed that the things she identifies as “Hannah’s” are to be shared with her also. One look into our toy room and dress-up closet gives her eyes as big as saucers, especially when I try to explain that it is hers too. It is a beautiful thing to watch.

It hasn’t been easy, but it has been good. I praise God for this journey and for my family and especially for the support of my dear husband. I can’t imagine life without any of them!

All my best,

Amy

We're Back!!!!

We have been back home for two nights now, and I couldn’t be happier! We left for the airport with a VERY unhappy Hope, but somewhere in-flight she decided to leave the attitude behind. We have had a doctor’s appointment for Hope’s cough, tutorial on how to use TP for BMs, and a trip to the grocery store, and everyone has remained agreeable.
We need a trip to the dentist—THAT will not be fun or inexpensive—and the blood titers, trip to the doc for Amanda’s Hep B, etc. but those will wait for later. We start our home schooling on Monday…which should be interesting, to say the least.
Last night after I put Hannah and Amanda to bed I heard the scurry of feet in their room. When I went upstairs to check it out, Amanda was in Hannah’s bed and Hannah was reading our Baby Blues comic book to her. She pleaded for “just one more page”, which I agreed to: just one more page of Hannah practicing her reading skills, just one more page of Amanda’s increasing desire to learn to read and understand English. Not a bad deal, if I say so myself!
It feels SO GOOD to be home.
An interesting by-product of the trip is that our kids are much more appreciative of the little things we do for them. I offered to make them lunches for Friday and the round of cheers they all gave surprised me. I know it won’t last forever, but I will enjoy it while it does. J
All my best,
Amy

We're Moving OUT!

Crazy morning! We managed to pack everything we used for the past three weeks into our four bags. Dave has been trying desperately to manage things at work while trying to confirm our seats on the plane and still be a presence in our family. Delta has been giving us the run-around--they checked Dave and I in but refuse to check in the girls--they are claiming that they are "unaccompanied minors." Talk about being hot under the collar! We *think* that everything is finally worked out, but we won't know until we show up at 6:00 tomorrow morning.
Dave is out now trying to get the girls' visas from the US consulate. If he can get back in time, we can catch a 4:00 bus to Hong Kong. That way we should be at our hotel by 8:30 tonight. If not, we will get in an hour later, but it would be very nice to catch the earlier one and be in bed before 10.
Amanda is getting very comfortable asking for everything she sees and pouting when she doesn't get it. Hope still shuts down if we ask her if she wants anything. The change is not easy for Hope, and her moodiness has returned. I am SOOOOOO looking forward to having this journey to be done. We NEED to be rooted and established, with a set routine and a regular place to call home, surrounded by family. For all the promises of expediting our trip, nothing happened that really mattered, and it has been hard. BUT, it is almost over. I can honestly say that I really don't care about the unending bus and airplane trips in front of us. I just want to get HOME.
Thanks so much to everyone who has encouraged and made suggestions through this journey...and I am not just talking about our time in China. We started it over a year ago when Dave was obedient to the call on his heart, and told me that he thought we should adopt. Our path was not a straight one, but one that wound around and took the "scenic" route. Had we not taken the long way around we would have missed "meeting" so many people and so many blessings. We also would have missed Hope. I thank God that He didn't listen to my whining. I am thankful that His way is perfect. Who has understood the mind of the LORD, or has instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding? Isaiah 40:13-14
All my best,
Amy