That would barely begin to describe how I feel…plus a side of butterflies that travel all the way to my heart. It is hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I may soon be a mom to…dare I say…six!
Remember that little girl I mentioned before, the one who is in danger of ageing out? We have been in prayer all weekend for her.
On Friday I talked to someone from the agency that has her file, and was told that we would have to put another dossier together in two weeks (!!!) in hopes to have her in time. Gulp! ALL that paperwork again, in expedited timing, and the expense of everything again…ok, what is the price of the life? I struggled to come to grip with that, and started my journey of prayer. Later I talked to the woman in charge of the agency and she said that there have been rare cases of being allowed to adopt two unrelated children on one dossier, and she thought that our situation would qualify! She also said that her agency has people in transit right now to China to work with orphans, and would personally petition our case with the CCAA! They have an excellent standing with the CCAA, which makes a HUGE difference! I was elated, to say the least!
Now the bigger hurdle closer to home…to get both DAVE and ANDREW to agree with the whole idea. Dave has, as I said before, agreed to pray about it, and has brought it up to the children. That certainly didn’t mean that he was willing to go forward himself! Knowing that his decision is not a momentary one but a forever one really made him deliberate for a long time. Andrew, on the other hand, hasn’t been too excited about the adoption in general, and the thought of ANOTHER sister brought out an adamant “NO WAY” from him. Gulp. Ok, God, it is in your hands!
Not knowing how long I would need to fast, I didn’t want to fast from all food because I still need to function as a wife and mother to my family. Instead, I have been fasting from coffee all weekend (if you know me, that is HUGE! Even David said that he knew that I was serious when I told him that I was fasting from coffee!) and praying non-stop. God even woke me up in the middle of the night for all three of the past nights for me to wrestle it out with him. At first, I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to go forward myself! The whole fear of the unknown was crashing down on me and the possibility of future guilt made me want to run. Then I remembered the biblical story of the sheep and goats, and the words,” Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? The King will reply: I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matt. 25: 37, 38, 40. I remembered the story of the good Samaritan, and didn’t want to be like the priest or the Levite. I mean, if I didn’t know, if our situation wasn’t favorable, I wouldn’t feel the responsibility! But I do know, and our dossier is there, and there is a possibility; I cannot ignore her. And the worry and guilt about what might happen? That is what the Israelites did when they were standing outside their promised land, but some of the spies gave a “scary” account of the people that lived there. The Israelites let their vain imaginations run away with them and didn’t do what the Lord wanted them to do. Although they were later forgiven, not one of them were able to enter their promised land. I don’t want to be standing outside my promised land, wishing that I would have trusted instead of feared!
Once God squared it away in me that I wanted this girl, then I started to pray fervently for Dave’s and Andrew’s hearts. I knew that I couldn’t change them, it had to be from God alone. Dave and I talked about it at great length Saturday night, and he admitted that he felt that I would hold it against him if he decided not to go forward with the adoption. Praise God that HE already worked through that with me, and I told Dave that I was at peace with submitting to his decision. After all, if I was right and Dave was wrong, he would have to answer to God! By Sunday morning, Dave said that he was behind the adoption!!!! Later in the day, while sharing with Andrew that this little girl, although older than he, would only be 1” taller than him, AND, although she is older, the language barrier and transition to US schools would put her behind. I then asked him if he could choose a grade for her, would he want her to be in a different grade than him or the same one…and after thinking for a few moments, he said that the same grade would probably be the best for her…so HE is officially on board! Otherwise he wouldn’t want to share a grade or a house or a family or anything with her! Ever since that moment he has been asking more questions about her, slowly warming up to the idea!!!
That brings it up to today. Madison Adoption Agency (MAA—love them!!!) is contacting my agency to work out the details. Although we thought that I could have MAA advocate for us in Beijing, it actually won’t work because of the different agencies but same dossier. Therefore we need WACAP to agree to take the girl’s referral and to push this through the processes. I am also praying that they will not make us pay full agency fees, as the other costs without agency fees add up to over 10k as it is.
SO, that is where we stand at the moment. I should be hearing back within the hour about what was discussed. If we get this second girl, we will need to be in China by January 19; by January 20 it will be too late. Without this second girl, we would be traveling February, maybe March. Will you please join me in fervent prayer about this process?
All my best,