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Monday, February 6, 2012

I Shudder to Think!

Recently, a lot of our conversations around the dinner table have been retrospective about our girls’ life in China before life with us. Unfortunately, Amanda doesn’t remember much, but Hope does, and we continually learn more about her former life.

We are cautious not to belittle what she had before and to acknowledge what she endured to make the adjustment through the adoption. We were talking about her feelings when she saw us, when we took her away, living in the hotels, boarding the airplanes, etc. Hope told us that she never took off her coat while in China because she was not used to buildings having heat. Her former school didn’t have it and neither did her foster home. She was expecting to have it get cold in the middle of the night, so she wore it CONSTANTLY. She also mentioned that her former foster family didn’t have an ample water supply, hot or otherwise, to have the hour long hot showers like she originally told us. (not that we believed her, but she finally trusts us enough to tell the truth and that she wasn’t honest before.)  Most sobering, however, was when we talked about her fears and feelings about coming here. She told us that she was told that she MUST say that she wanted to be adopted; that she didn’t have an option. I asked her if she knew she could say no to us, would she have done so?  She said Yes, without a moment’s hesitation. (talk about a heavy silence that followed that bombshell!)  But she also followed up that statement that she is so glad that she did come home with us to be a part of our family.

In light of other families returning home without their older children because the children decided at the last moment they didn’t want to be adopted, I shudder to think of our family if Hope knew she had that option. Is it really in the best interest to give a 12 or 13 year old the life-altering choice to have a forever family or to stay in China as an orphan? I know my eldest daughter still thinks she knows everything but is desperately needs her parents to give her firm guidelines and to reign her in when she wants to go astray. I could never allow her to make a monumental decision that would affect her for the rest of her life based on fear of the unknown with no regard to the opportunities she would (or wouldn’t) have. Why do governments think this is a good idea??

Once again, a glimpse of the providence of God has been revealed to us. We are SO thankful for his hand!

All my best,


  1. Tears in my eyes. I hope that this adoption is as good to Wynn as it is for us. But I know huge life disruption is not what she would have chosen. (Who would?!) She wants to go to China for her birthday. I'm afraid that's not going to be an option, but it shows where her heart is. She has been home four months now, and still wears her coat(s) day and night. She complains that she is hot, but she WILL NOT take them off. I imagine that it's one of very few things that she's been able to maintain control over. . . That and sleeping on the floor and vehemently refusing her bed . . . Our precious angels . . .

  2. Oh - Wynn also asked to continue to study Chinese because her China mom told her that Hope doesn't call home much anymore because she forgot Chinese. Wynn doesn't want to forget and be unable to call. :(

  3. I know how hard it can be, because we adopted our daughter at age 13 from Thailand. So thankful that you're now at the stage where she is feeling like she can trust you enough to open up and tell you the truth. I remember thinking that we were coming to a good new stage when my daughter got brave enough to tell me that she had trouble trusting us. It's a journey, isn't it? To Lora--Don't think that sleeping on the floor is a bad thing. I lived in Japan for six and a half years, and I couldn't sleep in American beds for months after returning home. If she sleeps better on the floor, just let her. You could just put a futon mattress on the floor for her.