When we first came home from China, Hope would talk about her foster mother and refer to her as “Mom”. I referred to “the other woman” as Hope’s “China Mom” several times but then gave in and just called her Hope’s “Mom”. I didn’t like to share the title, but I didn’t want to push the issue. She was Hope’s only Mom for 12 years! Hope was calling me “Mom” as well, so I let it ride.
Just recently Hope started calling her foster Mom “China Mom”. The first time she did it I thought she just made a mistake and I continued to refer to her as Hope’s “Mom”, but within the past two days we both have made the switch: the foster mother is now “China Mom” and I alone hold the coveted position of “Mom”!!!
I find it to be very interesting…almost always on the heels of a “good” day we experience a bad one. One day Hope agrees to start wearing deodorant; the next she is pouting b/c I am not spending enough time with her. One day Mandy is enjoying her bicycle, jumping on the trampoline, and jumping rope; the next day she has a crying fit b/c I make her go outside to play. Mandy lost her privilege of going on the family swim night last week due to the fact that she had a crying temper tantrum during dinner. It was uncomfortable and ugly, but Hope was able to see that we didn’t allow Mandy to slam her door when she retreated to her room. Mandy was able to see that Hope missed ice cream for dessert b/c she was pouting in her room from being asked to get off the computer. Both Amanda and Hope saw us discipline Austin and Hailey as they acted improperly against each other. Both Amanda and Hope have experienced special 1:1 time with mom and dad as well as seen us carve out time to spend with the other children. All of our kids have learned more about sacrificial love, pursuing others for their good, and walking outside their comfort zones. Adoption is a beautiful thing for EVERYONE involved!!!
Hope and Amanda are excited about Nai-nai coming on Wednesday. Both the girls are crazy about family, immediate and extended. Since they found out about it yesterday I have heard about Nai nai’s impending arrival about 63 times…it is so good to see them wanting to be a part of the family!
Hope has had the experience of helping Dave dig up our septic tank to have it pumped, blowing the driveway clean, and build a storage shed behind the barn. Mandy has discovered that sharing is better than having everything all by herself, power outages won’t be the death of her at night, and that Easter baskets hold a LOT of yummy treats! Hope has found that even though she has never played “Spot” with a bunch of kids she barely knows, she can have a lot of fun and hold her own while being “it”. AND, both girls are learning to walk in the love of a forever family…that when they make mistakes, either intentionally or unintentionally, by omission or commission, they can seek forgiveness and have it granted. That we will protect them when scary things happen. And that love is always waiting to be lavished upon them when they are willing to accept it.
During the Good Friday service our exchange student and honorary member of our family, Minnie, accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior!!! The new girls didn’t know what to make of it, especially with the mixture of tears and laughter from us as well as MANY people of our church. I continue to hope and pray for our new girls that they will also join our spiritual family soon. Mandy hears me pray every night that she will love Jesus with her whOOOOOOOle (spelled as I say it) heart; Hope asks for Dave to pray over her at night. We pray that we are helping to break up their fallow ground, for it IS thetimetoseektheLord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon them. (Hosea 10:12)
I still am amazed that God has entrusted these two children to us. They are not blank slates—they have come with past problems and nuances, some of which are larger than others to overcome. As I sit with my 4 bio children around me I also realize they did not come to us as blank slates…they each have their own issues and inclinations that make them distinctly themselves. We are discovering more about each child as they are discovering more about themselves. God is responsible for their hearts…we are responsible to love them and build them up according to their needs. This looks differently for each child, which makes the whole job of parenting more challenging and interesting than if they were all just the same. It also makes me draw nearer to HIM, which is also part of His plan. Praise His Name!
After many attempts and persuasions, Hope finally made the plunge! She did the dip into our local swimming pool! She now loves the water, although she can’t seem to identify the surface of the water and repetitively plunks her face down and then promptly inhales. Thankfully it is followed by laughter (and a tighter grip on me).
Mandy continues to LOVE the water—we strap on a swim belt around her middle and put a noodle under her arms, and off she goes! She doesn’t go under water yet, but it is a matter of time…she was trying to swim without the noodle last time but not succeeding very well. Thankfully I was within a few strokes to elevate her mouth above the surface of the water, but she didn’t seem to mind too much.
Last week we decided it was time to teach both the new girls and Hannah to ride a two wheel bike. Minnie started running up and down the driveway with the little ones while Dave helped Hope. I traded with Min and ran them both twice until I was too tired to handle the bike anymore. Although Hannah was fine with quitting, Mandy was NOT going to let the sun go down without mastering the bicycle! Considering she had NO balance while I was helping her, she took the next 30 minutes to teach herself and continued racing up and down the driveway with a silly grin plastered across her face. The next morning Hannah was up before dawn ready to ride her bike…and not ready to be outdone by her sister! It took considerably longer, several hours, several attempts and many tears, but Hannah learned that afternoon. Hope still couldn’t catch on, partly because she was trying to use my bike that was too big for her. Two days later Dave decided that these girls needed bikes to be a part of their Americana experience. Off to Meijer we went and 30 minutes later our new girls had new bikes. Not expensive ones, no bells or whistles, but new for them! It took a few more days and Hope was able to ride too (and only crashed into trees occasionally).
Monday marked the day of Hope’s first full day of school! I accompanied her for two lunch periods, but then she learned to go solo! She still sits by Andrew even though she has received multiple invitations from other girls. Even though she is exempt from homework (except math) she still attempts it every night. She no longer needs Hailey’s help to practice the flute. AND she changes her clothes every day! We have seen great progress!!!
Hope adores her art class! I have been so thankful that the teacher has been so accommodating, proactive, and committed to Hope’s well being. We even received a congratulations card from Hope’s art teacher, expressing her joy for us. Kathy, the art teacher, also shared with us why she is so happy and excited for us…she was adopted when she was an infant. I had the joy of sharing that with Hope, using a combination of drawings, pantomime and her dictionary. Initially Hope was confused; Kathy was an American when she was born but yet she was still adopted. I assured her that people all over the world are adopted. Hope seemed to understand and was very happy. Now she loves the art class because of what she does in it AND because of the kinship she has with her teacher.
Hope also desired to walk past her math teacher’s classroom again, just so she knows where it is and how to get to it. She is still fearful of the bald-headed teacher, but she knows that he is like her dad, loving another child enough to adopt as well.
In school a week and already we have met two people with the adoption connection. I don’t know if this is officially the “red thread” that is shared in Asian adoptions, but it is being woven together to make a beautiful tapestry by our Creator. Thank you, God!
All my best,
Amy
PS I had mentioned that we met a woman in Guangzhou that was said she was a Catholic, and that we should pray for her. I think that I need to clarify my statement…lest I unnecessarily offend.
Michelle had said she was a Catholic but didn’t understand about Christianity. That was the part that I felt the burden to pray for her. If she had said she was Baptist, Lutheran, Mennonite, Reformed, or any other “religion” and didn’t know how Jesus fit into the picture, I would have felt the need to pray for her heart. I think we often get caught up in the names, either in a positive or negative way. I like to refer to myself as a follower of Jesus, and it is Christ alone, by faith alone that I am saved. Praise Him!
So, if I offended, please accept my apology. It was not my intention, and I hope that my heart wasn’t eclipsed by my words. J
This time it is counting our time home. Although I have desired to log and blog every day, every waking moment has been filled to capacity!
Both Hope and Mandy are doing very well overall. We continue to have periodic “blips” where my desires and their wills don’t match…and results in a lot of scowling, door slamming, and pouting in their rooms. (Usually by our teen more than the other!) One day Hope slept 6 hours while she was sulking and was surprised that she wasn’t tired at bedtime. I don’t know how long she was in bed before she fell asleep b/c I am usually out moments after my head hits the pillow!
Mandy and Hannah have found a good playmate in each other, although I know that Hannah misses the days of life without a virtual twin and shared attention. Hannah tries SO HARD to incorporate Mandy and gives (usually) sacrificially. Every once in a while she struggles through tears, which is better than the crying 7-8 times a day two weeks ago. Mandy’s English is coming along and she understands more than she speaks, so we usually don’t have too much of a communication problem. Pantomime is used often too. We have been “schooling” in math sums, alphabet writing and identification, and following directions.
Hope has been going to school part time this week. Actually, it has only been for an art class, but she LOVES it. She is learning to weave a rug. In a little over a week she will be in the art class for 1 ½ periods, combining the weaving with a drawing class. Mrs. Babcock has been wonderful in accommodating Hopes desires and needs, and I am very thankful. Next week Hope will be starting Rosetta Stone-English on the school computer, will start trying instruments with the band instructor to find out which one she would like to learn, and may start a math class as well. Hope is uncertain about the math, as the teacher is bald. She seems to think that makes him mean, although I assured her that he is very nice. The math teacher is also an adoptive parent, so he is a perfect choice for Hope. I couldn’t have worked it out any better—thank you God!!!
We have had so many firsts since home! The girls have sat through many swim meets, band concerts, church services, and have discovered a love of SHOPPING!!! (what a change for Hope!) They have been to a local aquatic center for swimming (Hope just watched, but Mandy went down the three-story slide!), the dentist office (no repair at this time, just a cleaning, but Mandy cried through the whole thing. Cavity repair will commence a few months from now), and Hope had a quick doctor’s visit for her cough (next week we go for their second chicken pox immunization and blood titers…ugh!).
I have had a glimpse into Hope’s heart. One night after a swimming meet I was getting the kids into the van to go home. Hannah was trying to get Hope’s attention by repetitively saying her name: Xi Fan! Xi Fan! Xi Fan! Finally Hope turned around and told her, “I’m not Xi Fan, I’m Hope!” Again, at the dentist office I was filling out their paperwork and listed her whole name: Hope Katherine XiFan Fathman. When she saw it, she told me no while pointing to her Chinese name. I put a line through it, and she was pleased. Of course Mandy then wanted the same thing…
Finally, I have to share a quirk of Mandy’s—she loves to look at, into, through, and around EVERYTHING. She then asks me for various things—a pin, my clothing, toys, a handful of change, whatever. I usually say ok to anything she requests when she is exploring (but not anything that she could break or has a large monetary or sentimental value) but then she doesn’t want it anymore and puts it back. Even when Hannah tries to give her change, Mandy always gives it back. She is amazed that the things she identifies as “Hannah’s” are to be shared with her also. One look into our toy room and dress-up closet gives her eyes as big as saucers, especially when I try to explain that it is hers too. It is a beautiful thing to watch.
It hasn’t been easy, but it has been good. I praise God for this journey and for my family and especially for the support of my dear husband. I can’t imagine life without any of them!
We have been back home for two nights now, and I couldn’t be happier! We left for the airport with a VERY unhappy Hope, but somewhere in-flight she decided to leave the attitude behind. We have had a doctor’s appointment for Hope’s cough, tutorial on how to use TP for BMs, and a trip to the grocery store, and everyone has remained agreeable. We need a trip to the dentist—THAT will not be fun or inexpensive—and the blood titers, trip to the doc for Amanda’s Hep B, etc. but those will wait for later. We start our home schooling on Monday…which should be interesting, to say the least. Last night after I put Hannah and Amanda to bed I heard the scurry of feet in their room. When I went upstairs to check it out, Amanda was in Hannah’s bed and Hannah was reading our Baby Blues comic book to her. She pleaded for “just one more page”, which I agreed to: just one more page of Hannah practicing her reading skills, just one more page of Amanda’s increasing desire to learn to read and understand English. Not a bad deal, if I say so myself! It feels SO GOOD to be home. An interesting by-product of the trip is that our kids are much more appreciative of the little things we do for them. I offered to make them lunches for Friday and the round of cheers they all gave surprised me. I know it won’t last forever, but I will enjoy it while it does. J All my best, Amy
Crazy morning! We managed to pack everything we used for the past three weeks into our four bags. Dave has been trying desperately to manage things at work while trying to confirm our seats on the plane and still be a presence in our family. Delta has been giving us the run-around--they checked Dave and I in but refuse to check in the girls--they are claiming that they are "unaccompanied minors." Talk about being hot under the collar! We *think* that everything is finally worked out, but we won't know until we show up at 6:00 tomorrow morning.
Dave is out now trying to get the girls' visas from the US consulate. If he can get back in time, we can catch a 4:00 bus to Hong Kong. That way we should be at our hotel by 8:30 tonight. If not, we will get in an hour later, but it would be very nice to catch the earlier one and be in bed before 10.
Amanda is getting very comfortable asking for everything she sees and pouting when she doesn't get it. Hope still shuts down if we ask her if she wants anything. The change is not easy for Hope, and her moodiness has returned. I am SOOOOOO looking forward to having this journey to be done. We NEED to be rooted and established, with a set routine and a regular place to call home, surrounded by family. For all the promises of expediting our trip, nothing happened that really mattered, and it has been hard. BUT, it is almost over. I can honestly say that I really don't care about the unending bus and airplane trips in front of us. I just want to get HOME.
Thanks so much to everyone who has encouraged and made suggestions through this journey...and I am not just talking about our time in China. We started it over a year ago when Dave was obedient to the call on his heart, and told me that he thought we should adopt. Our path was not a straight one, but one that wound around and took the "scenic" route. Had we not taken the long way around we would have missed "meeting" so many people and so many blessings. We also would have missed Hope. I thank God that He didn't listen to my whining. I am thankful that His way is perfect. Who has understood the mind of the LORD, or has instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding? Isaiah 40:13-14
All my best,
Amy
Tuesday was a beautiful day! I know that Dave posted briefly about the swearing in for the girls, but there was so much more of the day.
I started the morning greeting the girls with a "good morning" and a smile. This was the FIRST time Hope answered "good morning" in return! Let me tell you, my heart soared at that moment!
We headed out to the zoo. We ended up going to the safari park first and then had to go back to the zoo, so we ended up riding the metro about 90 minutes more than we needed to. While switching lines, there were a LOT of pushy people, everyone wanting to get in first. There was one man in particular that was trying to run over Hope to make his way in front of us. Thankfully, I saw it coming and anticipated his move only moments before he started pushing, so instead of a soft Hope he made contact with my hard-set shoulder/arm. I then used my body to protect her from anyone else that was going to attempt to push her out of the way. It only took a moment and I didn't even think that she noticed, but when we finally got into the train, HOPE took MY arm!!! That was the first time also--she would allow me to take hers before, but she took mine!
The girls both liked the zoo at first. We met up with Kerri and her family at the zoo--we stayed about 2 hours. By the time we left for the consulate the girls (and Dave!) were whipped. Hope was scowling at this point, and even Amanda wasn't too happy. We didn't stop for lunch, but we bought breakfast at 10:30 and had been munching all morning on it. Hope requested that we buy strawberries outside the zoo, which I then proceeded to carry around, along with her drink, Amanda's drink, my water, and breakfast muffins. Even though I offered the food throughout the day, No one wanted to eat or drink. Before we went into the consulate we stopped in IKEA for a quick ice cream cone and hotdog. Hope wouldn't eat anything and was busy pushing us away again. Amanda liked the ice cream, and then we sat for 1 1/2 hours at the consulate. While there, Hope decided to eat the strawberries, which were rather bumped and bruised at that point, but the girls and I went to the bathroom to take the stems out and wash with my bottled water.
I don't know if Hope just realized that it WAS for real that she was going to become our daughter, or she finally got to rest from walking, or she got some nutrition into her, or SOMETHING, but she started smiling again. By the time we got out of there, went to Lucy's for dinner with Kerri and family, and started home, there was a part of Hope coming out that I had never seen before. Walking to the taxi, SHE grabbed my hand and laced fingers with ME! Something about her hands--she doesn't usually like us to have direct contact with them. But this night she did.
Back at the room Hope had a ball using the digital camera to take photos of her DVDs, the city from our hotel room, the TV shows, all of us, and after I showed her how, she started taking photos of herself--smiling!!! We all were laughing while being silly with each other until we turned off the lights.
I am still confused about what changed...I wish I knew so I could replicate it! I went to sleep a very happy momma.
All my best,
Amy
We did it, we did it. We officially lowered the Chinese population by two today and increased the US by 2. They were sworn in today. I cried. Amy cried. Hope smiled. Amanda continued to bounce off the walls.
It was a good day.
We pick up the visas tomorrow afternoon and we really have to run to jump on the bus to HK! We are coming home my children!
It is our bedtime on Monday. Tuesday will be our last full day in Guangzhou. The girls get sworn in tomorrow (the consulate appt went fine today we were told). Then Wed. we pick up their paperwork and head for Hong Kong for our journey home. We can NOT wait to reunite our wonderful family!
Not sure when I will find internet connection again to actually send this, but it is Sunday evening here in Guangzhou. God continues to show is great mercies and blessings.
We praise Him that our new daughters (who still can’t talk to us) heard God’s word today for the first time and they got to hear it in their own language, from a Chinese pastor in a Chinese church filled with Chinese!
We praise Him and pray that this will awaken their hearts and help them see that He is the God of all peoples and not a God of “those” westerners.
God took us to a shop on Saturday where the shop owner was a Bible believing Christian and invited us to her church today.
His praise is felt from the inside out. There was no language barriers for Amy and I when His people praise Him. Amen!
As an added bonus Amy was carrying the church flyer around the market after the service (the flyer also only in Chinese) and she got to witness to a Chinese Catholic when she asked in broken English “what is the difference between a Catholic church and a Christian Church”. God used Amy! Tough enough to do in your own culture much less to someone with limited understanding of the religions and the language. God is Awesome!
Pray for Judy, the young lady who invited us to church. She is battling her own Buddhist family
Pray for Michelle, the young Catholic mom of a little baby with an unbelieving husband.
Or on us, for that matter. The girls cleared their tests this morning. Poor Amanda walked to the clinic like she was going to death-row…I tried to explain in my limited Chinese that the man would only look at her arm and then we would walk away, but it wasn’t until we were cleared and I was jumping for joy (literally, mind you. Just ask my bio kids—I have been known to embarrass them on numerous occasions!) that she lightened her countenance.
Hope started the day actually offering me one of her biscuits from the 7-11 (our breakfast haunt) when I asked what was inside. I REALLY hoped that it was the sign of something good…but then she caught herself and went into the angry mode. We have explained that if she is being mean to us, she gets no tv. Boy-oh-boy did she put up a fight when we got back to the hotel room! BUT, we are bigger, and have longer arms, and will NOT be swayed by a teen’s temper-tantrum (once again, ask our bios!) so she pouted lying on the floor next to her bed all afternoon.
This evening is the same. Unfortunately Amanda also feels the brunt of Hope’s consequences, which she immediately pouts about. She doesn’t understand, but her response is not ideal, so hopefully she will glean something from this struggle for control.
This afternoon we wandered into a shop that had “stuff” for sale. I was intrigued by the pendants that said “mother-daughter” and “sister” and purchased a bunch for the kids. Amanda wants hers right away, Hope doesn’t want hers at all, but I am keeping them for when we get home. Through broken conversation between Chinese and English, I found out that the shop owner is a Christian, has been for 4 years, and showed me her bible and her favorite verses. It ends up that the White Swan has church on Sundays at 11 in both English and Chinese. That will be the main point of our day tomorrow! We got her card and told her that we would pray for her. Her whole family is Buddhist, which she prays for every day. I probably ended up paying too much for the pendants, but I didn’t want to enrage a fellow believer.
I have received so many messages of encouragement and suggestions of how to weather these storms. We don’t have WiFi right now; I type at night and we send when we go to Starbucks in the morning, so I don’t have the time to respond to all of them. Thank you everyone for standing by me/us during this time. I feel like you are holding my arms up when I don’t have the strength to keep them high. Thank you .
All my best,
Amy
Amanda had her first experience in a swimming pool! She was excited about the concept from the point of buying swimsuits, and today we “took the plunge!” Her eyes were wide and she clung tightly, but she followed me into the water on her own accord and allowed me to walk her around the pool both on her stomach AND on her back. She even allowed me to put her head onto the water as she looked at the ceiling. We played with balls and kickboards until she had such a shiver from the water temperature that I decided it was better to end on a good note than to push it farther. Before we exited the water I did have Amanda stand alone in the chest-deep water and walk around. Just as long as she was walking TOWARDS me, she was fine! Just as we finished showering, another family with young children came. I offered for us to go back into the pool, which Amanda considered, until she saw them do cannon balls into the water. Then it was time to go! She may trust me, but not enough to submerge her fully!!! I must admit, it felt good not only to hold her close, but also for her to trust me enough to enter the water. I have been told that many Chinese never submerge themselves—in pools, lakes, or otherwise. A co-worker of Dave’s said that his Chinese wife just submerged her face below the water’s surface for the first time last year! Even in the shower she does NOT like having the water on her face. And Amanda trusted me fully. I feel honored.
Later, we went to the airport. Dave had been nervous for days about this trip, and now he was living his fears. After having our checked luggage checked (we had a butterfly magnet in it that Amanda had painted!) we were denied access to the plane at the security checkpoint. They said that we needed their passports. We told them that we had their adoption paperwork (which we used for both flights until this point) and a copy of their passports (that were waiting for us in Guangzhou), AND we had called our guide to tell them in Chinese, but nothing worked. Dave’s fears were becoming reality. We were told that we had to go to a police station to get a temporary travel permit, but there was NO WAY we were going to be able to leave and return in time for the flight! It turns out that we needed to find a police station in the basement, but we needed to leave NOW. Dave was fluctuating between being red in the face to having the blood drain away, leaving him rather pale, and when I heard that they told us to go to a police station, my stomach dropped through the floor. It was then that I heard God’s voice in my heart: “Watch.” In an instant I knew that I had to choose, and since I was the one to hear His voice, my heart quieted. As Dave strode away from the counter not knowing what to do, I couldn’t help but smile, because God was going to have to show Himself BIG to get us out of this mess!
Within 15 seconds, a Chinese man stepped out of the security line and had asked us if we needed help. We gave him the short-answer details, and he instantly told us where we needed to go and what to do. He also said that since he had time before his flight, he would be happy to walk with us. For the next 20 minutes, he acted as our translator and guide. Even at the police station, when it didn’t look like they would grant us our temp. passports, he pleaded on our behalf. $10 later, we had the appropriate paperwork (that each guide in the other provinces should have given to us) and we were back in the security line.
“Richard” that works for Teledyne was our angel for the day! Dave was in tears after we parted ways; God again showed Himself faithful for guiding our paths. I am so thankful that this time I was able to trust Him…I really hope I can remember for the next wave that comes! I am also thankful that HE simply told me to “watch”, otherwise I might have missed His hand. Lord, I stand in AWE of you!
Side note, Richard mentioned that he and his wife have been considering adopting a child. They had one 10 yr old son, and had considered adoption as a way of having another. I hope that God will use us for his journey of adoption!
All my best,
Amy
Today we had our medical appointment in Guangzhou. We showed up at the hospital a few minutes early; our guide was more than a few minutes late. By this time the girls had heard several children scream in pain from the immunizations that were given, so they were on edge.
We found out that Amanda’s vision is not great and she may need glasses. I say “may” because their testing was inconclusive, and no matter what strength of lens they put in her glasses, she couldn’t do any better than when she was looking at the chart without glasses. Unfortunately, they either said or did something to scare or embarrass her, or just the stress of being in the hospital for so long was wearing on her, and she started to cry—hard. I spoke to the guide and told her that I wanted the testing to stop, that we would have her vision tested in the states. She translated, and the doctors said that they needed to continue to test to find out what her vision was to know what to write down. I riled, and told them it didn’t make any difference what they did to her eyes, it didn’t improve the vision at all, and they were only making her cry so she couldn’t see through the tears. I told them to write ANYTHING down, I didn’t care; I was taking my daughter. I fully expected backlash—but it didn’t come.
The immunizations were awful. Each girl needed 4 plus a TB test. Hope needed to get a Hep B shot, even though she sero-converted. When I questioned our guide, she agreed with me, but shrugged her shoulders. That was one battle she wasn’t willing to fight. Amanda cried horribly, and was red eyed for quite some time. Hope did ok, very little emotion.
Once we were released (two hours after we arrived) we went out to lunch at Lucy’s and then walked down by the water front. We went back to the hotel room and the girls watched some Chinese movie we bought for a few hours. Dave and I were getting stir-crazy, so we thought we would all go walk around and see what was in the area. Amanda had a melt-down! She was shaking and crying uncontrollably. We tried to get Hope to tell her that we weren’t going to the doctor’s again, but she wouldn’t. (she is selective about what she will obey) We got a person at the hotel’s front desk to tell Amanda that we were going to just walk around, but NO doctors, but Amanda wasn’t listening anymore. Customer service got involved, took us back to their office, consoled and tried to explain to Mandy that all was well, but she wouldn’t, couldn’t calm down. Finally we just went out of the hotel carrying a crying girl. First stop: Mc D’s for an ice cream cone. We shopped around for a new pair of pants for Amanda since she doesn’t have a pair that really fits, but the shops were way too expensive there. We bought some candied fruit on a stick for Mandy, walked in circles for a while, and finally found a cheap, back-alley place for dinner. So far, we are all doing well—no intestinal problems! Right about the time we got a table for dinner Amanda settled back to her impish ways. On the walk home, she was in full swing of attention seeking behavior! Even through the worst of her melt-down, she still held on to me, and her grip strengthened as she realized that we really weren’t going back for more shots.
I dread our return trip on Saturday to get their TB shot analyzed.
I am so angry with our politicians. I had contacted them repetitively months before coming about this silly Hague law. These children are treated like livestock—and livestock are not treated well in China! It was MANDATED that they get the flu vaccine, Hep B vaccination when none is needed, and all with questionable timing and viability of the vaccines used. Once we return home we will have blood titers drawn to find out what is good and what needs to be redone. I would love for our politicians to take their child or grandchild and put them through what my kids went through today. Perhaps something would be done for these children who have no voice and no rights at this point. Perhaps.
Enough soap box—we are all tucked in for the day.
Until tomorrow,
All my best,
Amy
OK, today wasn't anything "abnormal" but that doesn't mean good.
AM as usual, wake-up, clean up, and breakfast. Amanda chose all pastries--that was fine, as yesterday was all meat. Weekly average, ya know?
We left immediately following breakfast for Dave's co-worker's house. He is an American, left US after college for China, learned the language and found a wife. Now lives in Shanghai with two kids and his in-laws live with him. The kids are off school so he invited us to spend the day.
His kids played and my kids watched, but it was different from the hotel, so it was ok. Other than the fact that their water was turned off for the day, which I found out AFTER I had a BM in their toilet. Had I known... :)
How's that for transparency!??!
Afterward, we went to Dave's company's New year's party that started with Karaoke. HUGE here, the place was massive! My girls were well behaved and endured 3 hours of other people singing.
Upon a suggestion of a friend in Shanghai, we went to a grocery to buy Chinese snacks for the US. Comfort food for when we return home, although Hope decided that she wouldn't want ANYTHING. Amanda chose a few items, I chose more. Once again, upon the suggestion of my Chinese friend, I wanted Hope to choose some feminine products in case she needed them before we returned home. At that point we hit our lowest level. If she thought she could take me, I really think she would have assaulted me in the store! Thank God that I can lift more than the average Chinese male, which gave me the upper hand!!!
Hope no longer tolerates me--she treats me with utter disdain. She forcefully pulls away from me and refuses to look at me. There is blatant rejection.
I knew about this. It isn't a surprise. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
By the grace of God I have been able to hold on, demonstrating love when my flesh wants to recoil.
If God didn't show himself clearly, I would seriously consider granting her wish to stay here.
However, I am in THE MOTHER MODE. When I was told to let my other daughter be, let her embrace being "average", let her follow the path of "less than", I held my ground for both me and her. Now I am doing the same. Hope may be thinking she wants to stay "how it was", but since I know that is bu sing, excuse me, impossible, I will hold on long enough and strong enough for the both of us. I KNOW that God orchestrated this adoption. I KNOW it wasn't an emotional response of my own doing. I knew back then that I would have to depend on that knowledge...now the rubber meets the road.
Amanda is presently rejecting David and clinging to me. I like it, but yet am exhausted by it at the same time. She is not an easy child. Hannah will feel challenged by her for quite some time. I pray that they will become friends as well as sisters, but I anticipate the road to be rocky.
Tomorrow we leave for Guangzhou in the afternoon. I hope to take Amanda swimming in the morning. I heard that it is normal for Chinese people to be deathly afraid of water if they haven't had the opportunity to immerse themselves. I see that in Hope. I don't think she has truly showered since we got her. Mandy, on the other hand, LOVES the water and is indignant that she can't have an hour bath both AM and PM!!!
I pray that God will continue to give me the grit and determination to continue to show love to Hope when everything in me is screaming to recoil and preserve.
I pray that Amanda will be saved from the anger and bitterness coming from Hope.
I pray that their TB tests on Thursday will show negative, so we can come home soon.
Until then,
All my best,
Amy
PS If anyone wants to help another adoptive parent, there is another MI mom that is desperately trying to gather the funds to get her child. I don't have the address as I am writing, but I will try to include it in another post. I believe that it is a tax-deferred donation. Every $10 helps; I know! We have incurred 2k more on this trip than anticipated, due to our wonderful US government. I am not asking for help for us anymore; if you want to help a family in need, please let me know. Otherwise, I will include the address for donating in my next post. Think about it...2 1/2 foo-foo coffees, 3-4 packages of Oreos, 4 2L of Coke, JUST THE EXTRAS!!! Would you be willing to "fast" from a luxury for a week to help another mom? Wouldn't you want someone else to do the same?
