The Wall

I think Hope has hit it...and keeps on bumping her head.

We started yesterday morning in good spirits, but when it became time to leave Nanning Hope became very quiet and negative; every question was answered with "no". Unfortunately, our flight was delayed so we sat for quite a long time in the airport. Gone were the smiles, the willingness to play "tic-tac-toe", the desire to eat or drink. When we were in the air she lightened up a bit, and returned to herself by the time we got to the hotel. I thought it was all behind us, but I was wrong.

Friday stared fine; Dave went to work before we woke up, and the girls and I had a lazy morning sleeping in. Breakfast was fine, although Hope insisted on using knife and fork for her bacon. :) After breakfast, (which was around 11 am!) I asked Hope for her opinion on where to go. She chose (yea! she had an opinion!) the aquarium, and we went. Both Amanda and Hope had fun with the interactive screens; they "pushed buttons" on the screens playing games and doing puzzles for about 90 minutes! We wandered through the exhibits and had a good time, but soon I noticed that Hope was pulling back. Amanda was raring to go, so I kept and eye and a hand on her while trying to reach out to Hope, but she pulled farther away, both emotionally and physically. The aquarium was fantastic; we saw so many interesting species, plus feeding of the sharks, stingrays and other aquatic animals. (all overhead and next to us, as we were in the "tunnels"!)

When we finished the exhibits we ended in the gift shop, which I wasn't interested in, although I did offer to get the girls something, which they refused. There was the food court also, which I offered since it was 3 PM, but Hope refused. Once we got outside, I tried to find a restaurant, but Hope didn't want any of them. Since everything was in Chinese, I needed her cooperation to order, so I figured that we would go back to the hotel and find a bakery. That way I could point and choose!

When we got back, we did make the trek to a bakery around the corner and I let both girls choose what they wanted (BTW, bakeries in China have lunch items, not just sweets). We then went across the street to get some soft drinks, once again letting them choose their own. Amanda chose, Hope refused, but I bought two of everything Amanda chose. When we got back to the hotel room, both girls ate their food, as they were very hungry at this time. Mandy ate one item, Hope ate three, one of which was quite large. I told her that we were planning on going to dinner in 90 minutes, but she chose to keep eating. This was for a purpose, I later realized.

We were supposed to go out with a co-worker of David's for dinner, but traffic was HORRIBLE and after driving for 90 minutes, she decided to go home and meet us tomorrow. David finally got home after being in a taxi for 2 hours and said it was time for dinner. Hope refused. She kept on packing and re-packing her backpack, which only contained books and two winter coats. Dave finally went out to eat with Mandy at Mc D's, I stayed at home with Hope. She crumpled, crying silently, and wouldn't respond for at least 30 minutes. When she finally did move, she hid behind a chair. The next hour was just her and I together; Hope crying or ignoring me, Me praying fervently for her and us or weeping for her. My heart felt like it would break, as she was so overcome by grief. She understands the written word better than the spoken, so I kept writing notes to her, asking if I did anything wrong, why she was sad, offering suggestions of what she may be feeling or why she might be sad, telling her over and over that I loved her and would love her always; she only shook her head "no" with every note.

Hope finally started playing the music we bought for her, and Dave and Mandy came back from Mc D's. Mandy was happy with her happy meal toy, and kept trying to get my attention. She noticed Hope's crying, and was concerned, but was more interested in getting attention in any way possible. It was then that Dave gave me the "reprieve" to go to the lounge and write on the blog.

Right now my heart is continually breaking for Hope. Hailey wrote her a note saying how much she loved her and has always wanted a sister close in age, and how Hope is an answer to her prayers. I know that I have prayed for Hope for months, and the desire to adopt an older child that stared WAY before we found our Hope has been made alive. Mandy sees Hope's raw emotions and gets her cues from her...but is not certain why this other girl is so sad. Hope is grieving...hard! I only wish I could hug it away and make it better. I love this girl almost as much as my own flesh and blood...yes, I will be honest and say "almost", because there still is a difference, but the amount of love I feel for her is huge and growing every day. God has done a work in my heart to make it grow and expand beyond I could have imagined just a few years ago. I would speculate that He did it to include my China daughters.

Although this post has been predominantly about Hope, I won't neglect my other daughter here. Mandy is learning so much...she is as smart as a whip but yet less aware of limits. Unfortunately Dave has laughed at every antic of hers, and now finds her attention-seeking to be less than desirable. Mandy LOVES Dave, and would choose him over me any minute of the day. Mandy does like me, however, and will seek my attention and my approval. We had a good morning doing crafts together--painting and glitter art and playdoh. Or, I should say, I worked the too-dry-and-more-like-crumbly-plastic-stuff than Play-doh...I think it will be more workable tomorrow. I spent over an hour working it, not to mention that my hands turned smurf-blue when working the blue playdoh, even after three vigorous hand-washings! Anyway, Mandy seems to be wanting me; she grabbed my hands and arms when going through a part of the aquarium that had a rainforest sound, accompanied by a rainstorm...she did NOT like it and was quite frightened!! She also hid behind me when seeing sea-life that looked scary to her...I figure that if she is using me to hide behind, she sees me a someone that will keep her safe. That is money in the emotional bank, in my opinion.

I should keep a journal, as this writing has been very therapeutic. I don't know if someday Hope and Mandy will read this. I just know that getting the thoughts and emotions down helps. No wonder why my sister and my daughter Hailey journal so much! I do know that God has brought me and Dave here for a reason. I do know that God and God alone has increased my love for these girls beyond my understanding. If Hope and Mandy do read this someday, I hope that they realize that, even though I made and continue to make mistakes, I loved them SO MUCH even in these beginning days, and I KNOW that is will be multiplying in the days to come.

Why do I share all of this? Maybe for my daughters, so they can one day look back and know. Maybe for another adoptive parent, who is walking the same path. Maybe for someone else, who, faced with some challenge that only God knows, may glean some encouragement. I don't know why, but I just need to be obedient to the One who made all of this happen. He is the one who raises beauty from ashes...and if that doesn't describe my life, I don't know what does!!!

To Him who is Worthy,

All my best,

Amy

They're Officially Ours!

Today we got our paperwork completed for Amanda! According to the Chinese government, both Hope and Amanda are ours!!

This in addition to the fact that TODAY IS HOPE'S 14TH BIRTHDAY!!  Happy birthday, Hope!!!

It was a difficult morning for the girls, though. When I told Hope that we needed to go again, she told me "no". When I told her to put her shoes on, we really needed to leave, she started asking questions of where and why. I don't think she trusted my answers, but at least she was complacent and came along. Granted, Hope is normally quiet, but she crawled into a shell I hadn't seen since we got her. Even Amanda was more subdued.

When we arrived at the same place we got Min Zhi from the day before, I could almost guess what the girls were thinking. We were ushered into a waiting room and left alone. In the room were some large plastic toys, one of which was a huge ball. Dave and I started kicking the ball to the girls while sitting on couches. Smiles emerged, followed by laughter when Dave and I were falling off the couches and making wayward kicks...by the time we were called out, our girls were more relaxed. Hope didn't want to be anywhere near us in the room we were questioned about our intentions, but I had her sit on my lap anyway. She heard the questions and answers and saw the exchange of RMB. Not what I would have chose, but all of a sudden it seemed to click...we weren't returning her/them, we were making it real. When it was time to leave, Amanda didn't cry at all, even when her ayi gave her a hug. instead, Amanda almost flew to Dave's side and grabbed his hand. Hope even took my hand--the first time she initiated!!!

After all of this, we went to lunch by the hotel again. We had Hope choose the restaurant and order; partially because we wanted her to assume responsibility but mostly because none of the restaurants have ANY English or ANY pinyin and very few photos of what the food is supposed to look like! We saw for the first time that Min Zhi will eat until the food is gone--as soon as we realized this, we took her food away because she had already eaten more than Dave. She may not be hoarding right now, but she definitely doesn't know to stop.

We stopped at Wal-Mart again, this time to buy some rubber flip flops. The big, cushy slippers I purchased for the girls yesterday found their way into the shower, and it's questionable whether they will dry any time soon. We also stopped at a DVD store and got the girls their choice of movies and music. It was nice, as Hope actually ASKED for some music!

This is a big change, even since this morning. I had to use her birthday as "leverage" to get her to wear her new clothes. I also used it to get her to agree to let me paint her nails. She only agreed to sparkly clear polish only on her pinky nails and only AFTER I painted Dave's big toe! What a guy!

Anyway, we now need to wake our new Chinese princesses. They both fell asleep while waiting for me to finish this post. We plan on introducing them to pizza tonight, followed by a scoop of ice cream. American eating at its finest!

All my best,

Amy

Our Daughters! (sisters)

Mom and Hope

Mom, Amanda, and Hope

Hope, Mom, and Amanda!

Now we have TWO!

We have Amanda! Or perhaps I should still call her Min Zhi, as it isn't official until tomorrow. Doesn't matter--we HAVE HER!!!

It has been quite a day! Min Zhi was very scared when we got her. She would hardly even look at us. Poor thing, she speaks Cantonese and we don't...she is supposed to know some Mandarin, but we have yet to discover which words she might know...

After we came back to the hotel, Dave and I took the girls to Wal-Mart (can you believe that there is one just around the corner?) to get some clothes. Both of the girls are taller than expected, so we needed to get a few things. Hope was wonderful and held onto Min Zhi's hand right away, so Min Zhi clung to her for dear life. While in Wal-Mart, Dave decided to take Min Zhi to find some DVDs to watch. Of course walking is overrated, so Dave decided to spin Min Zhi down the aisles, which brought a smile to her face. Tickling was discovered to bring out the giggles, and once it started, it hasn't really ended. Now Dave just needs to look at her and she starts laughing!

Hope had a hard time at the store. She was determined that I wasn't going to buy her anything! We NEEDED to get her some fresh clothes, so I didn't take no for an answer. The more she refused, the goofier I got--I did actually get her to say she wanted ONE thing, but that was after I threatened that if she didn't choose anything, we wouldn't be able to go to KFC. Bribery works in many languages!

Min Zhi had no problem showering once we returned home for the evening. It was so much fun wrapping her in a big fluffy towel to dry her off! Hope thought she wasn't going to bathe again, but I didn't allow that to be a choice. I offered her the tub or shower, which she promptly chose shower. After I left, however, she remained in the bathroom for almost an hour with water either running or being splashed, so I suppose she decided to try the tub after all. Poor dad had to use the bathroom, but didn't want to disturb Hope's first real bath. :)

Now both girls are cleaned, brushed, in PJs (yea!) and in bed. Hope keeps looking over at me and smiling. I don't know what made the connection today, but I am SO THANKFUL that it has been made!!!

It's funny--when we first started this process, my focus was on what would be good for the family. During the months of getting paperwork done, contacting governmental officials, and finishing details, I was thinking of what was good for the girls. Now I realize that I am the one that has been blessed the most. I don't know why God has trusted me with so much, but I pray that he finds me faithful.

All my best,

Amy

HERE'S HOPE!

We have been taking a bunch of photos but will have to
upload them once we get home!

Hope has been VERY quiet. Babelfish has proved itself
wonderfully useful (we didn't purchase a translator) and we can communicate
that way. Hope had her first experience of "surfing the web"
yesterday and her first airplane ride today. I have been very "hands
on" with the hugs, stroking of her hair, holding her arm, etc. I can feel
that it isn't normal for her, but she hasn't pulled away either. 

Due to our very quick stay in Kunming we didn't get a chance to sightsee or
to try and visit her foster family, but we did call her foster family so she
could talk to them (and so we could get their phone number.) Hope is never very
talkative, even with people that are speaking Mandarin to her, so I think she
is just painfully shy. 

Hope came to us with the stuffed animal we sent (but not the
photo album), some school books and a blanket-like coat in a backpack. She wore
new jeans, shoes, sweater and coat. She also wore two layers of long-underwear,
which I highly suspect are new but have been worn for a few too many days. I
offered some new clothes that we brought from home, but she does NOT want them.
I am going to take her out to have her involved in the process of buying at
least a change of clothing, and then insist that she showers or bathes before
changing. She wears her coat even indoors, and although she denies being hot,
her "ripeness" indicates otherwise. David may be flying to Shanghai to do some
business, so it may be easier for "just the girls" to take a dip in
the bathtub together. :)

Hope has been wonderful in trying to "be a good
girl", as our guide told us she was instructed to do. She was told that if
she didn't listen to her new mama and baba we might not want her. I think that
is playing into her quietness, and although it is nice to have a perfectly
behaved child, I am eager to get to know the real girl underneath.

I must share one more thing! I don't know if any other
adoptive moms, especially of older children, have questioned if they were doing
the right thing taking their child out of a foster family and out of their
culture. I was hitting incredible highs and lows the day before we got Hope!
However, after seeing her swollen, red, ulcerated hands (probably due to
washing clothes outside) and noticing how she responds when I brush her hair or
tuck her into bed or tickle her feet, I really think that there will be many
more "foreign" things for her to experience in America than just the
culture. I consider it my true privilege to introduce her to our forever family
and all the "perks" that it entails!

Next will be Min Zhi! Only 2 hours to go!!!

All my best,
Amy, currently in Nanning,
 China

4 To Go!!

Dave and I are in Kunming to get Hope. We are scheduled to see her for the first time in FOUR HOURS!!! I have been up all night, even with an antihistamine in me. I think it is a combination of jet lag and anxiety...
The next day (Tuesday) we will fly to Nanning to get Amanda. After that I really don't know what our plans are. We don't officially have TA for Amanda yet, so hopefully that will come today.
I will write again when I have a moment. We may be going to the local Wal-Mart to get Hope some clothes later. Now, before you think we will be able to do this task with any kind of relative ease, let me assure you that China's Wal-Marts and American Wal-Marts are NOTHING alike!!! They have the same yellow smiley-faced character, but the similarities end there. I mean, where in America can you get chicken feet and jellied squid in Wal-mart??? Not that the 5 second rule for dropped food would be in effect in America's Wal-Mart, but here I have seen women whistling to their very-young children mid-aisle, even though the diapers were only 20 feet from them...
I will try to share more later! Please pray for us and especially Hope! 
All my best,
Amy 

Good morning

Good morning one and all!

Mom and Dad are really boring.  We sat in the hotel room all evening.  We are getting ready to go to bed.  We get up in the morning and get XiFan at 9:00 am our time.  I still cannot grasp this all.

Pray for us, our kids, her, all of us!

David

We're in the Air!!!

I have felt like I've been walking on air for days, and now Dave and I really are!

Thursday afternoon we leave the US and arrive in China Friday night! Whoo Hoo!

Hold on, girls! We are coming!!!

All my best,

Amy

Article 5

Xi Fan has her Article 5 from the US consulate in Guangzhou! Min Zhi's didn't pass yet, but hopefully tomorrow!!!

Look out, Beijing, here they come!!!

Could we actually get our travel approval BEFORE we travel???

All my best,

Amy

Four Days Until Flight!

We are in the home stretch! Only 4 days until we leave! It seems surreal.

This past weekend we had the pleasure of being able to visit extended family members—many of whom we haven’t seen for 4 years! It was great to see everyone again, catch up on each other’s lives, and laugh at the kids acting like kids. I was VERY surprised to find out that some were reading this blog—thanks, Diane! Dave is also trying to find a way to get Joel and Juliann over to Thailand after hearing their hearts for missions…which goes to show that you should be careful what you say to a “quick-start” personality! J

We haven’t heard yet whether or not our paperwork was approved for our article 5 in Guangzhou. We literally need things to be approved in a day and the mail to move quickly in both Guangzhou and Beijing. On paper it doesn’t work to get everything done in time, but God is bigger than that.

Thanks for standing by and behind us in this time!!!

All my best,

Amy

Make a Choice Already!

I LOVE GOD! My heart is overflowing with His praise! HE ALONE IS WORTHY!

It was quite an afternoon—

After being talked down to and brought to tears by our senator’s office, I was rather down to say the least. During a very “therapeutic” session of shoveling snow off our roof, God reminded me that HE hasn’t changed, even if our circumstances have. So I lifted praises to the heavens while standing on my rooftop.

Later, while shopping at a local food center I saw a girl we used to drive to Wednesday night church. In an inaudible whisper God spoke to my heart: Talk to her. Simple enough, I thought, so I stopped and chatted with this teenage girl. It was only small talk, but I was able to ask her about school and sports and other various things.  A few moments later while I was checking out, this girl got into line right behind me. She was only carrying a small sandwich from the deli, so I saw it as an opportunity to chat again. Once again, the whisper came: Buy it for her. It wasn’t a request, mind you, so I obeyed and told the person checking me out to add her sandwich. This girl quickly refused to let it be scanned, but I had the amount added to my bill to cover it. Feeling pretty good that I had obeyed, I told the girl goodbye and turned to leave. She ran after me, saying that she had to talk to me—and was rather distraught. Back in August we were TP-ed  and she admitted to me that she told the culprits where we lived and to being there while we were “decorated”. Bless her heart, her face was all blotchy, her eyes were watering, and she looked miserable! It was at that moment that I realized why God had been whispering to my heart…I had the profound joy of forgiving her and bringing her into a bear hug. I even forgave her if she had TP-ed us, just in case there was anything that she was not ready to admit. J When I said goodbye for the final time and saw her slip around the corner I knew that the small talk, emotional connection, and a $3.19 sandwich was just the appetizer for the main course. On special for today was a healing of the heart.

I am SO THANKFUL that He started the process on the roof—had I been inward focused, I might not have seen her, or felt like I had time to talk, or refused to buy the sandwich. Praise God that he got my heart in the right place so His blessings could flow!  And then, once I returned home… (see next post!!!)

All my best,

Amy

It Still Sits

NVC still has our paperwork and has not uploaded the information yet.

When I called last night, they knew me by name and said “we have your information right here.”

“Has it been uploaded yet?”
”No.”

“May I ask why?”

“Policy.”

Call me crazy, but it doesn’t seem like it is about policy at all. It is about a girl named Xi Fan, who may be stuck in China after all.

But I will not lose my hope! I will NOT lose my Hope!!!

Clinging to His promises,

Amy

Attention All Prayer Warriors!

We are in need for you to intercede for us!

Unlike the last post, our second call to NVC did not go as well.

Our case was not even listed as an adoption case, so I praise GOD that He prompted me to call.

The woman I talked to tonight told me that it would take to 5 business days to “scan and send” our information to Guangzhou. Never mind that it is already supposed to have been scanned yesterday. Never mind that this is an expedited age-out case. Never mind that we need this information to be approved in Guangzhou, have a courier deliver it to the CCAA, and have them approve it again for the proper paperwork to be available to complete for Xi Fan by Jan. 19th. I was told that they will send it NEXT WEEK.

We have contacted our state senator and our congressman via e-mail and phone (left a voice mail).

Our case worker at WACAP is contacting NVC to see if there is anything she can do.

And now we wait. And pray. And pray. And pray.

“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.  Isaiah 40:25-26

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families. Psalm 68: 5-6a

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks,he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord. James 1:5-7

All my best,

Amy

Paperwork Update

Our paperwork was put into the computer yesterday at NVC but has not been cabled yet. I let the poor, unsuspecting woman who took my call the urgency of our case and how we need EVERY DAY to get everything done before Xi Fan ages out when she said to call back tomorrow. She now encouraged me to call back tonight. J Time for this wheel to SQUEAK!

Until then…

Amy

Angels All Around Us

I am still struggling with unbelief—we are up to 1/3 of our matching grant! There have been SO MANY people who tangibly have supported us, not to mention all of the prayer support we have. I mean, I have supported people I don’t know in the past, but nothing near how we have been blessed—there have been several $100 donations PLUS a $1000 donation…by someone whom I have never met! That on top of the $5000 we hope to receive from our Christmas angel—I have never know such generosity. This is something storybooks are made of!

It seems so meager to say THANK YOU, but I don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so. THANK YOU to ALL of our angels! We appreciate each and every one of you!!!

Eight days until take-off!